How was your weekend? Good? I regret to inform you that no matter how much fun you had canceling brunch plans, your Saturday cannot compare to the complete ecstasy Lady Gaga found for herself while attending the wedding of makeup artist and friend, Sarah Tanno.
With hip-length, punch-pink hair cascading down to her hips and her arm thrust up holding a bouquet, Gaga could have been a cool teen on her way to prom. But she was actually on the beach in Cabo San Lucas to fête Tanno, who wed musician Tim Stewart. In doing so, she opted in to a time-honored celebrity tradition: playing normal at weddings.
Stars, after all, are just like us—and sometimes that means spending every other weekend in the summer in a country club or restored barn toasting to our friends’ futures. That could also mean, in the case of Gaga, jumping on a reception hall table and grinding on the bride while Usher’s “Yeah!” plays. (Let any one of you who has not started a fire on the dance floor at a wedding be the first to throw stones.)
So maybe celebrities, for whom attention is currency, cannot just blend in at nuptials. That does not mean they don’t try.
In 2017, Taylor Swift served as a bridesmaid for Abigail Anderson, a high school chum and early muse, at what sounds like a very tasteful Martha’s Vineyard ceremony. Swift may have appeared to be the stock image of a bridesmaid in a purple halter gown she can always cut shorter and wear again, but the fans who booed her when she refused to acknowledge them outside of the church foiled those plans.
Rihanna, too, has done her time in the party of her assistant, Jennifer Morales. In what sounds like a very Rihanna wedding, the Hawaiian ceremony was held on 4/20. The singer wore a lilac Badgley Mischka tulle gown and smoked a joint for prosperity. All nine bridesmaids looked like they had a blast and it’s a shame none of us were invited.
Of course, when celebs toast also-famous friends, any pretense of normalcy gets checked along with their coats. Take, for instance, the three day marriage extravaganza held in Rome by fashion designer Misha Nonoo, which counted Meghan and Harry, Ivanka and Jared, Katy Perry, and Karlie Kloss as guests. Since the dress code dictated gowns for women, tuxedos for men, all were happy to show up in their finery. Or, in the case of Ivanka Trump, femme fatale cosplay topped off with stiff-robot body langugage.
The scene appeared entirely unreal, which is probably a pretty standard day in the bonkers life of both Meghan Markle and Ivanka Trump.
Marc Jacobs proposed to Char Defrancesco via Chipotle flash mob in 2018; his wedding, which took place in April, was just as flashy. Lil Kim wore a peach fascinator, fur stole, and tiered frock, Debbie Harry slipped on gold sneakers, and the Hadid sisters matched in suits. Naomi Campbell fabulously did the most in a bedazzled black Balmain jumpsuit, which made the sight of Justin Theroux rolling up in jeans and a t-shirt just slightly infuriating.
I love watching celebrities go to wedding for the same reason I care about what they wear to court: just like a parking ticket, no matter how famous you are, you cannot get out of a sort-of acquaintance’s big day. But, unlike the rest of us, these partygoers have an unlimited budget to spend on their revelry. And the rest of us, I guess, get to see the pictures.