Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth: The He-Said She-Said

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth broke up because Hemsworth couldn’t keep up with her hectic social schedule, Page Six reports today, not because she was fooling around with other women behind his back.

Apparently candid pictures of Cyrus making out with MTV reality-starlet Kaitlynn Carter sparked speculation that the couple’s micro-marriage—they broke up after just seven months of married bliss—had foundered on the rocks of an affair.

Page Six says Hemsworth, 29, and Cyrus, 26, would hang out with Carter and her now-ex-husband, fellow The Hills star Brody Jenner while they were all couples at Soho Beach House in Malibu but insists there wasn’t any romance between the women, saying: “They mostly just drank rosé.”

Yes, but how much rosé?

That seems to be the vital question when it comes to denying the secret evolution of tabloid-ready same-sex relationships at Soho House.

Hemsworth, 29, has, it must be said, reacted remarkably well to photos of his wife making out with the female half of a couple they were until recently friends with, issuing a statement saying: “Just a quick note to say that Miley and I have recently separated and I wish her nothing but health and happiness going forward.”

That is a quick note, all things considered.

Hemsworth is said in other reports to have been upset by some of Miley’s antics, such as her penchant for publicly licking him, as displayed at New York’s Met Ball.

Hollywood Life, while silent on the issue of public licking, quotes a friend saying that Hemsworth “thought he’d be with Miley forever” and was blindsided by the breakup. However the outlet insists Liam “isn’t angry” about the pictures from the Lake Como photo-op because: “He and Miley aren’t together and she has every right to kiss anyone she likes.”

Well, yes, but two days later? To some it might seem the new relationship has developed with suspicious speed and unseemly haste.

But Miley’s people are insisting to Page Six that it’s all a big coincidence, with a source saying: “Miley was never unfaithful. She never hooked up with girls while she was married.”

Of course, given that the marriage only lasted seven months, immediately after which she was pictured snogging one of her mates on an Italian cruise, some might regard this as not the greatest boast of sexual temperance ever proclaimed.

The pictures of the two women kissing appeared online a day after Cyrus and Hemsworth announced their split, with a statement issued by Miley’s people offering the sine qua non of absurdly self-regarding breakup statements, saying that they would “still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals.”

“Ever-evolving, changing as partners and individuals, they have decided this is what’s best while they both focus on themselves and careers,” the statement said, “They still remain dedicated parents to all of their animals they share while lovingly taking this time apart.”

Miley took to Instagram to deliver a humble and reflective homily in which she compared her split with Hemsworth to the evolution of the planet.

“Don’t fight evolution, because you will never win. Like the mountain I am standing on top of, which was once under water, connected with Africa, change is inevitable,” Cyrus wrote.

Hemsworth was more businesslike. After writing on Instagram that he wished Cyrus “health and happiness,” he added: “This is a private matter and I have not made, nor will I be making, any comments to any journalists or media outlets. Any reported quotes attributed to me are false. Peace and Love.”