Jon Stewart has a message for the graduating class of 2026, joking that the president has a special skill they would do best to hone.
Stewart said on The Daily Show on Monday that Donald Trump’s aggressive handshakes are ones to watch if you want to land a coveted job interview. “And if you come out of that interview with a hand that looks any less grotesque than this one, you did it wrong,” Stewart said, showing the audience a picture of Trump’s bruised hand. “Don’t look away! Look at it!” he exclaimed, “That is a hand that won the interview.”
The White House attributed Trump’s bruised hand, along with his swollen ankles, to chronic venous insufficiency, a common ailment for those over the age of 70.
Trump used his aggressive handshake with French President Emmanuel Macron, the former Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orban, the former Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, and his former Vice President Mike Pence, Stewart reminded viewers with a montage. The host joked that there should be a class to teach new graduates how to execute Trump’s “beautiful” handshake. “Maybe we should all be students at Donald Trump University,” Stewart said.
“Obviously, you can’t be because it was a fraud and got shut down, but metaphorically.”
“Class of 2026, everybody gather around,” he quipped, “We’re gonna walk you through what you really need to do to nail that important job interview, the Donald Trump way.” Then, mocking the president’s frequent use of the term “loser,” he went on with the pretend class, “Let’s start at the very beginning, young grad, you walk into the room, and what have we always told you to do? Eye contact, firm handshake, settle in. But that’s what losers do.
“What you want to do is set the terms of the battle in the interview,” he continued. “‘I will take your f---ing hand! Give me your f---ing hand! Give it to me!” he yelled in the bit. “I want your hand! Give me your f---ing hand!” After all, he added, “Your prospective employer must know you are the captain now!”
Trump may have more interviewing expertise to share with job seekers after they have the handshake down, Stewart also quipped Monday.
“Alright, so now we’re in the room, now we’re gonna let the interview begin. We’ll role-play this out. Why do you think you’re a good fit for our firm?” he said, before rolling clips of Trump’s self-adulatory comments about his being a “smart person” with a “very fertile brain.”
“That’s how you do it, graduates. I cannot stress this enough,” he joked. “Make your answer cocky and super f---ing weird.”
