Why ‘Wuthering Heights’ Is the New ‘Romeo + Juliet’

This week:

• The kids are about to be horny.
• My Olympics rant.
• Losing my mind over this Real Housewife.
• Anne Hathaway, forever the best.
• A blast from the past.

OK, I Kinda Loved “Wuthering Heights”

I felt like I was 13 years old again this week, sitting in a theater watching the new movie “Wuthering Heights.”

In a very specific way, that is a high compliment.

But watching a movie version of a book and believing every element of it was true and authentic was a vital part of my 13-year-old experience, so I don’t have any opinion on its book-to-film accuracy.

Just kidding. If I am to truly honor my 13-year-old self, obviously, I was the person who read every word of every reading assignment, wrote the best essay on it, and then skipped lunch in the cafeteria to chat one-on-one with my English teacher about it. I was real cool.

But that’s why I kind of loved this messily sprawling, only kinda sporadically hot, but still transfixing version of Wuthering Heights, which was directed by cinema’s favorite romance provocateur, Emerald Fennell (Saltburn). I felt cool while watching it.

That’s the dweebiest thing to say, of course, and it’s why people who are actual cinephiles with good taste (couldn’t be me) have so many gripes with Fennell’s film. It’s not, actually, cool. Me? I was just living for this over-the-top, “edgy,” but in quotes only, movie. The 13-year-old in me thought it was so saucy. They’re having an affair? They’re sticking their fingers in each other’s mouths?? He’s that tall???

Fennell has a knack for eliciting visceral reactions. (The last time we checked in with her, the lead of her movie was humping a grave, murdering people, and then dancing through a house naked.) Sure, it might be superficial. But it is fleetingly thrilling. And for what we have to pay for a movie ticket and popcorn these days, that is an incredible value add.

Wuthering Heights—excuse me, “Wuthering Heights”—tells the story of Catherine (Margot Robbie) and Heathcliff (Jacob Elordi), who obviously love each other, but spend their lives refusing to admit it until it’s too late. And then, of course, once it’s too late and they finally admit it, they start boning like the porn search of history of middle schooler just got optioned for a feature film.

There is a part of the movie where both Catherine and Heathcliff make a random, abrupt, and extreme pivot into respective monsters, which is confusing but right in line with the “wow, this is exciting!” tween vibes of the movie. And, it must be said, I can’t remember the last time I was so taken by how beautiful a person looked on a big screen as Margot Robbie shot by Emerald Fennell in this movie.

There was a point in the movie when my friend leaned over and whispered, excitedly, “This is just like Cruel Intentions!” And it is. And it’s like Romeo + Juliet. “Wuthering Heights” is not as good as either of those films. Not by a long shot. But it satisfies something that I think we all cinematically crave: outlandish, stunty, trashy romance. The quintessential middle-school movie.

That’s the value of “Wuthering Heights,” and that’s why, mark my words, it’s going to be a big deal. I predict that when you sign onto the Daily Beast after the holiday weekend, there’s going to be a story about how surprisingly well this film did at the box office.

Justice Must Be Paid

This is a transcription of how just about every interaction I’ve had these last few days has gone.

Friend: Hi, Kevin! How are y…

Kevin: So the French judge just f---ed Madison Chock and Evan Bates. It’s so corrupt. Those macaron French idiots weren’t even together on their twizzles, and he fell out of it, and they still scored higher than Madison and Evan? That’s not right. The gold medal is tainted. And, my god, the story behind that French pairing in the first place? It makes me sick. This was Madison and Evan’s time, and it’s not, like, even ceremonial. They earned it. That was the best skate of the entire Olympics. Those grade of execution scores? Absolute bull. This just isn’t right.

Friend: Wait, are you talking about the Olympics?

Kevin: I mean, obviously. What are your plans at 4? I’m taking this to the streets.

Don’t play with me during the Olympics. I am invested, and I am a mess. I have developed an incurable crush, and it is with a curler.

I am spending every night crying on my couch, watching these people fight for medals. (Speaking of ice dancing, that Canadian team’s performance in honor of her mom…I can’t even.) I am mostly asking: who wants to be my double-luge partner? Let’s lie down on top of each other and zoom down this icy hill of life together.

I know people are having a hard time feeling patriotic right now, but I actually am finding this extremely cathartic.

The Real Housewives Flameout

I have written and talked on podcast episodes so much about the Bad Bunny Super Bowl Halftime Show that the words “halftime show” feel like gibberish when they are coming out of my mouth.

But there is an outlandish side story that didn’t so much as bubble up as it did explode from Old Faithful about all of this that directly aligns with my interests as the person who has, in many marketing meetings at the Daily Beast, been referenced as “our Real Housewives gay!”

The Jill Zarin flameout continues to astonish me. It’s not because of how quickly the tide turned from being excited for her comeback with the original Real Housewives of New York City cast in an upcoming E! reality show.

People were so thrilled, and then so immediately turned on her after she posted a (racist) video about Bad Bunny’s Halftime Show, complaining that it wasn’t what America needed because it was in Spanish and she couldn’t understand it, and because she couldn’t see any white people in it.

I am very much in support of Jill being fired from the show, and honestly appreciate the humbling experience of being reminded that, oh right, these women are a goddamn mess—to temper my expectations for the series.

But here’s the sticking point that I just simply can’t get over.

Bad Bunny performed his halftime show, and Jill Zarin was at a party watching it. And then immediately said, “OK, stop the party, I need to record a video about how much I hated this. The people are really going to want to hear this. This is going to be good.”

My job is to literally do that (hating, loving, what have you), and I would still never do that. To be at a party, as a Real Housewife who hasn’t been on the cast in over a decade, and think “the people need to hear my thoughts about how much I hate that Bad Bunny sings in Spanish” is absolutely wild to me.

Celebrities are the strangest breed of people. Maybe the worst kind.

Everyone Should Be More Like Anne Hathaway

Having spent a career dealing with celebrities who are so self-serious, it is like manna from heaven when someone is self-deprecating and has a sense of humor about themselves.

I love the caption Anne Hathaway wrote about a film she was in 10 years ago called Colossal—which was, by the way, so freaking good. Watch Colossal. And, conveniently, it’s now on Netflix.

Hathaway’s announcement that it’s now streaming made me LOL. There are certain things that just don’t take off. And having a good sense of humor about it is important. And Hathaway, despite being, like, ethereal, seems to have a great sense of humor.

The Right Side of History

Thank you to Sally Jessy Raphael. From watching you with my babysitter as a 5-year-old to stanning you as being a person of your generation who just gets it.

More From The Daily Beast’s Obsessed

I talked to New Kids on the Block member and Blue Bloods star Donnie Wahlberg, and the showbiz stories he tells…you gotta listen. Watch more.

If you’re like me and still rewatching Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl set, here’s my big review of it. Read more.

I am devastated by James Van Der Beek’s death, but delighting in revisiting my favorite performance of his. Read more.

What to Watch This Week:

Love Story: It’s fascinating, of course, but the stars playing JFK Jr. and Carolyn are also so freaking hot. (Now on FX)

Wuthering Heights: Let’s Make America Horny Again. (Now in theaters)

Super Bowl Halftime Show: It’s on YouTube. We can love Bad Bunny on constant repeat. (Now on YouTube)

What to Skip This Week:

Enjoy Yourself: There’s actually a plethora of things to find enjoyment in this week. So please go enjoy. Lord knows, we need it.