INCREDIBLY CONVINCING

‘Putin’s Foot Soldier’ Posts Cringe Workout Video to Prove He’s Not Dying

Ramzan Kadyrov’s not circling the drain. He can’t be, here he is in a jogging suit doing stretches and lifting weights.

Chechen leader Ramzan Kadyrov has responded to a bombshell report that he is on the brink of death and the Kremlin is actively searching for his successor by doing exactly what Vladimir Putin himself would probably do: posting a cringe video of himself working out.

“Remember, taking care of your health is an investment in the future, and consistency and perseverance will lead you to success, both in sports and in life,” the self-proclaimed Putin foot soldier wrote in a post on social media. Kadyrov squeezed himself into a bright blue jogging suit for an accompanying one-and-a-half-minute video in which he can be seen doing his stretches before lifting weights.

Tellingly, the video seemed to play up Kadyrov’s aides struggling with the workout, before showing a clearly rehearsed–and maybe a little homoerotic–moment in which the Chechen tyrant easily tosses his aide to the ground.

The messaging behind the video was echoed by Kremlin-controlled media, which shared another clip of Kadyrov’s workout and noted that he was “in high spirits” amid “rumors about his health.”

Speculation about Kadyrov’s health has run rampant for years as his weight has visibly fluctuated drastically and he’s often appeared heavily bloated. The independent news outlet Novaya Gazeta Europe reported Monday that he is in fact terminally ill—and the Kremlin is preparing to replace him.

Citing sources at the Moscow Central Clinical Hospital, the report says Kadyrov is in a much bigger mess than anyone realized, having been placed into a medically induced coma last year following an overdose of a sedative as he battles pancreatic necrosis.

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Allison QuinnNews Editor

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