FED UP

Sam Bee Savages Donald Trump’s State of the Union Ode to ‘White People’

The ‘Full Frontal’ host called the address a ‘glass-is-half-full type speech… assuming that glass is half full of cyanide and I get to drink it.’

Samantha Bee had a whole day to absorb President Donald Trump’s big speech and she came in hot on Wednesday night’s Full Frontal.

“Last night in his State of the Union address, Donald Trump took a break from screaming about immigrants to scream slightly more politely at lawmakers about immigrants,” the host began. “It’s not surprising that Trump got non-stop stink-faces from the left side of the room,” Bee added, especially since he speech “contained very little of the promised bipartisanship.”

“We were also promised that Trump would mention DREAMers,” she said. “And he did… sort of.” Instead of making any overtures to DACA recipients, the president declared, “Americans are Dreamers, too,” a line that was quickly embraced by his white nationalist fans.

“Oh my god,” Bee responded. “What a beautiful, proud, thoughtful way to say that you will only help white people.”  

“Rumor had it, this would be an optimistic, glass-is-half-full type speech,” Bee said. “And it was. Assuming that glass is half full of cyanide and I get to drink it. Because our president used the State of the Union to roll out his hot 2018 line of chilling policy proposals.”

After playing a string of greatest hits from the speech, Bee asked, “OK, how about this? I’ll pay Stormy Daniels $130,000 to say the president has a big dick and isn’t afraid of sharks so he doesn’t blow up the world!”  

“Of course, the true goal of the evening was to make Republicans stand up and cheer,” she continued, “while getting incendiary footage of their opponents refusing to stand when Trump says, I don’t know, our amazing veterans should get to build houses out of immigrant bones? Gotcha, you didn’t clap for veterans.”

Fed up with the speech, Bee moved on to talk about “the actual state of Trump’s America as of 2018.” The “cold comfort that checks and balances would keep Trump in line” has given way to a Republican Party that is actively trying to undermine the FBI.

“You know, it’s disturbing to watch Republicans openly try to shut down this investigation,” Bee said. “But should we even be surprised? Last night, when Trump roared an actual fascist slogan, they gave him a standing ovation.”