Embarracuda Endgame

Sarah Palin Is Perfect for ‘The View’

The former half-term governor is ‘auditioning’ to be hired by the talk show. I say, bring it on. Why? She’ll learn to cool it, or be canned.

Jonathan Ernst/Reuters

I didn’t think it was possible, but I actually agree with Sarah Palin and Fox News on an issue. No, not that Obama is a crypto-Muslim socialist who wants to destroy America. I’m talking about the far more important subject of whether Sarah Palin should be hired as a new co-host on ABC’s The View.

Palin desperately wants this job. In fact, just last week she essentially “auditioned” for it with her statement that The View “needs a punch of reality and a voice of reason from America's heartland to knock some humble sense into their scripts. You know, someone willing to go rogue.”

OK, stop laughing. Palin views herself as a “punch of reality” as opposed to a punch line. Although I am a little confused over Palin’s comment about knocking “sense into their scripts.” Does Palin actually think the discussions on The View are scripted? Or could it be she just leaked a secret that Fox News actually scripts all of its “debates” on topics?

In any event, Palin found some support over the weekend from Fox News’ Diana Falzone, who joined the “hire Sarah Palin” chorus. And now you can add another to that two-person chorus: me.

While I‘m of course concerned that, based on her record as governor of Alaska, Palin may quit before her first season on the show is over, here are the reasons I hope ABC hires her:

1. Co-hosts Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg would crush her. The View isn’t Fox News, where hosts fawn over Palin like she is dropping pearls of wisdom instead of inane comments.

It’s not going to work out that way on The View, because in past years, Rosie and Whoopi would frequently slam the conservative co-host Elizabeth Hasselbeck’s right-wing politics. For example, there was the time Whoopi schooled Hasselbeck on the reason why women need to be the ultimate decision makers when it comes to their reproductive rights. The audience clearly sided with Whoopi, breaking out into thunderous applause as she finished her comment. Expect more of the same with Palin on the panel.

2. Palin’s daily dose of idiotic comments. Currently, we are stuck waiting for periodic appearances by Palin to make unintentionally hilarious remarks, like when she said Paul Revere “warned the British,” not the colonists. Or when she insisted that “We’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.”

Listening to Sarah Palin talk about history is like watching an episode of the new Comedy Central show Drunk History. That show, based on a hit web series, features horribly inebriated people telling their versions of history. With Palin on The View, it will be like Drunk History five days a week.

3. Sarah Palin’s views will be tempered or she’ll be fired. Here’s the most serious issue for Palin: She can’t play to both mainstream and probably not very political American housewives (The View audience) and the Tea Party wingnuts.

ABC’s parent company, Disney, is not going to let Palin be the Palin that most of us hate (or love.) Sure, Disney wants ratings because they equal profits. But I very much doubt that Disney will allow Palin—or any one person—to cause damage to its corporate image.

After all, Disney is a multinational corporation that saw $45 billion in earnings last year. A ratings bump on one show doesn’t mean that much to Disney’s bottom line.

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And if you doubt me, think back to 2007, when ABC fired Grey’s Anatomy co-star Isaiah Washington for making a homophobic comment on the set to another coworker.

In fact, Disney has even taken progressive stands of the sort Palin repeatedly harangues us about on Facebook, like its commitment to a corporate policy of inclusiveness, which prohibits discrimination or harassment based on ”race, religion, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity” or “national origin.”

We saw an example of this just a few months ago when Disney stopped sponsoring the Boy Scouts of America because of its ban on gays serving as scout leaders.

From a practical point of view, this means that if Palin is hired, producers will inform her of the lines she can and can’t cross. There may even be a clause in her contract by which she has to agree to certain content restrictions.

That may mean, for example, that Palin would encounter some problems with Disney if, during the show, she advocated for discriminating against gay Americans by opposing marriage equality. Or if she again defends a person like Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson when he likens gays to people who rape animals.

Or when she utters disgusting comments like “Let Allah sort them out,” as she did when discussing the bloody conflict in Syria.

Yeah, I know. What about Palin’s First Amendment rights? Well, here’s the thing, you purported Constitution lovers: Why don’t you take a minute and read the First Amendment for a change? If you did, you would see the text states that “Congress shall make no law...abridging the freedom of speech.”

You see the words “Congress” and “law” there? That means the Bill of Rights only applies to government action, not private employers, who can fire people if they don’t want to be associated with their public statements. (Just ask Anthony from SiriusXM radio’s Opie and Anthony, who was canned last week for his racially charged Twitter comments.)

Here’s the bottom line: If Palin gets hired, she will have to either stop spewing her inflammatory comments. Or, if she insists on going “rogue,” she will be fired. As I see it, it’s a win-win situation. And the irony is that Palin, who thinks she represents the “real” America, may just be taken down by the most All-American corporation in the country’s history.

Now that would be must see TV.