We’re three and a half weeks into Donald Trump’s presidency and Seth Meyers isn’t “tired of winning” yet.
“It’s hard to remember now, but it wasn’t always supposed to be like this,” Meyers said at the top of Wednesday night’s “A Closer Look” segment on new allegations of the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia. “When Trump ran for president, he promised us a much brighter future, filled with non-stop winning.”
“No one gets tired of winning, it’s never happened,” he added, after playing a clip of Trump’s stump speech refrain. “If anybody did, it would be DJ Khaled. All he does is win and he doesn’t seem tired of it in the least.”
Despite all the promised “winning,” Meyers demonstrated just how much of a loser Trump has been during his first few weeks on the job, culminating with Michael Flynn’s “resignation” and Andrew Puzder’s decision to step aside. Playing a clip of that DJ Khaled song, Meyers added, “And my tiny hands go up!”
Addressing this “unprecedented level of dysfunction” in the White House, Meyers quoted one critic who called the Trump administration “amateur hour” before pointing out that Trump’s previous job hosting The Apprentice was “literally an amateur hour.”
Meyers went on to imagine Trump as the anonymous leaker calling the media in an attempt to get himself fired: “Yes, Washington Post? This is Donna T. Rump. I work at the White House and the president has no idea what he’s doing. Please impeach him and let him go free. He’s very sad and he misses his gold apartment.”
“How could things possibly get any crazier?” Meyers asked. Cut to reports that Trump’s campaign was in regular communication with Russian intelligence officials throughout the 2016 race.
“This administration is like a really intense haunted house, where every door you think is an exit is just a door to an even scarier room,” Meyers said. “How do I get out of this fucking place? I wet my pants three rooms ago!”
Meyers also hit Trump for complaining that the “fake media,” in his words, was “unfair” to Flynn and “treated him badly” over the past couple of weeks. “You’re the one who just fired him! Did you already forget that?” he asked, suggesting that Trump start tattooing things he’s said on his body “Memento-style.”
But the “weirdest thing to come out of the White House this week,” Meyers said, was press secretary Sean Spicer’s assertion that the “irony” of the Flynn story is that Trump has been “incredibly tough” on Russia.
“I don’t think you know what irony means,” Meyers told Spicer. “Irony does not mean, here’s something that is completely untrue.”