AND THE WINNER IS...
SNL: Alec Baldwin’s Trump Makes Jimmy Fallon’s Jared Kushner and Steve Bannon Play ‘Apprentice’
This week’s ‘Saturday Night Live’ cold open took on the growing civil war between Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner and his disgruntled advisor Steve Bannon.
As The Daily Beast reported, Bannon has taken to calling Kushner, a real estate heir who was a Democratic donor up until a few years ago, a “cuck” and “globalist” behind his back, while Politico wrote that alt-right piggy bank Rebekah Mercer had to personally plea with Bannon to not resign in frustration over Kushner’s increased influence.
This week, Saturday Night Live’s cold open addressed the ongoing civil war between the former Breitbart overlord (and truly shitty documentary filmmaker) and the Jersey boy whose jailbird dad’s $2.5 million donation helped him get into Harvard.
After gloating about dropping the “Mother of All Bombs” on ISIS—“it’s so big and fat, it almost looks like me in my golf clothes”—and pumping his chest over his remarkably irresponsible Twitter feud with North Korea, Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump was pressed by his VP Mike Pence to deal with the “huge distraction” that is the Bannon-Kushner beef.
So, SNL’s Trump first welcomed its Steve Bannon—or Death—followed by host Jimmy Fallon as Jared Kushner in his Wes Anderson-esque Iraq getup: shades, blazer, khakis, Kevlar vest and all. The pussy grabber-in-chief then proceeded to play his own little game of Apprentice: White House Edition, with a splash of America's Next Top Model thrown in.
“Jared, Steve, standing before me are my two top advisors. I only have one photo in my hand. That’s right, tonight is elimination night,” said Baldwin’s Trump. “There’s been a lot of drama in the house, and that’s ok, but one of you must go. Now, who gets to stay? Jared, you take the most beautiful photos. Steve, you take the worst photos I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m not joking: when I see a photo of you, it makes me want to puke.” “Jared, I’ve sent you all around the world to represent me, and nobody’s heard you speak,” Trump continued. “You’re like a little Jewish Amelie. And Steve, you may be smart, but I once walked in on you eating a live pig in the Roosevelt Room.”
As expected, the President went with Ivanka’s photogenic hubby over the blotchy Bannon.
“Take him back to hell... down to the basement with Kellyanne,” Trump exclaimed, before addressing his favorite son:“Jared, you’re such an inspiration. You showed everybody that if you’re born rich and marry my daughter, you can do anything you want.”