On Thursday night, most Americans celebrated the fact that barring something truly unprecedented happening, we will never again have to sit through a Donald Trump presidential debate. Except for when Saturday Night Live recreated it this weekend.
Yes, for perhaps the final time, Alec Baldwin’s frequently frustrating Donald Trump and Jim Carrey’s increasingly problematic Joe Biden came together for an SNL cold open debate that hopefully won’t sway any undecided voters this close to the 2020 presidential election.
With Maya Rudolph stepping out of her Kamala Harris costume and into the shoes of NBC News’ Kristen Welker, the debate began with Trump telling “Hoda” what a job she was doing.
“It really is creepier when you’re nice, but thanks,” the moderator responded.
“Really, you’re taking very good care of us tonight,” Trump said. “Now could you just tell us the specials, please?”
From there, the president defended his record on the coronavirus, claiming, “We’re doing terrific. We’re rounding the corner. In fact we’ve rounded so many corners we’ve gone all the way around the block and we’re back where we started in March.” Later, he added, “We’re making so many ventilators. And I don’t want to get everybody excited, but if I get elected I promise everyone in America will be on a big beautiful ventilator.”
Carrey, meanwhile, portrayed Biden as less of a bumbling grandfather and more of the normal, frustrated politician he is, barely keeping it together in the face of Trump’s outlandish attacks.
Periodically, he would reveal his inner monologue. “Just breathe, Joe,” he told himself at one point. “If you don’t breathe, you’ll die.” When Trump started ranting about his “corrupt” son Hunter, Biden thought, “Don’t do it, Joe. Don’t retaliate, even though his kids are a bunch of charity-scamming write-offs looking like they just came out of a two-week Vegas coke binge.”
The sketch really took off, however, when the president once again claimed that he couldn’t release his tax returns because they’re under audit, adding “If you don’t believe me you can talk to my lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.”
With that, Kate McKinnon’s Giuliani could be seen doing something that will look very familiar to anyone who saw him in the Borat sequel this weekend with his back to the camera. “What? No! It’s not what it looks like!” he said. “My microphone was stuck… on my balls. Is this another Borat? You gotta tell me if it’s a Borat.”
“You’re in trouble now, Biden, because Rudy’s got a lot of sane and coherent information that looks really bad for you, Joe,” Trump then told his opponent.
“Get ready for this truth bomb!” Giuliani added. “Your son Hunter got $3 million from Moscow and his friend Tony Babdooey has emails right there on the wet laptop from hell! And our eyewitness saw everything and he is blind!”
Ultimately, SNL gave Biden a chance to make his honest closing message to America. “Look, everybody, you know who he is and you know who I am,” he said. “I’m good old Joe. I’m reliable as a rock. I’ve got a five-star safety rating and I’m ranked best midsize in my class by J.D. Power and Associates. I don’t have a gold toilet seat. I have a soft, spongy one that hisses whenever I park my keister.”
“There’s only two things I do,” he continued. “I kick ass and I take trains. And I don’t see any trains in sight.”
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