South Park takes no prisoners.
This is, after all, the show that once labeled Kanye West “gay fish,” took on the Muslim prophet Muhammad (a big no-no in terrorist circles), and revealed U2’s Bono to be the record holder for world’s biggest poop (the turd turned out to be Bono himself—a man had taken a dump in 1960 and raised the piece of shit as Bono). Once, they had George W. Bush building a ladder to heaven to snuff out a very dead Saddam Hussein after Dubya received dubious intel that the mustachioed dictator was building WMDs in the afterlife. Another time, Bush was said to be the mastermind behind 9/11, and brutally maims a truther in the Oval Office to protect his secret.
But, with the the exception of an all-too-brief Season 5 cameo, the show’s steered clear of eviscerating Donald Trump. So naturally, fans of the gleefully anarchic TV series were curious as to when the blowhardiest of the blowhards would receive his animated comeuppance. Well, it finally came in the Season 19 episode, “Where My Country Gone?” and the timing couldn’t have been better.“Where My Country Gone?” opens with Kyle being invited to the White House by President Obama for delivering a speech about Caitlyn Jenner. This sends Mr. Garrison into a fit of rage. “You see? There! This is why it’s happening! Everyone’s preaching openness and acceptance, so millions of goddamn immigrants are comin’ over the border, and nobody seems to care!” he says. “It’s like nobody cares! And they just keep comin’—crossing the border with their dirty families, playing their stupid music.”Mr. Garrison isn’t referring to Mexicans, however, but Canadians. He starts yelling at his Canadian students for playing Chuck Mangione on horns in class (their religious custom, apparently), calling them “Canucks” who “don’t even speak English.” Then, he performs the melancholy ballad “Where’s My Country Gone?” at a bar, with the lyrics, “There’s a great big hole in the liberty bucket / ’cause someone forgot to tell the borders to suck it.”
After the musical interlude, Mr. Garrison delivers a rousing speech in front of his xenophobic acolytes, some of whom are flaunting “Make America Great Again” signs. “Now, I might not understand politics—or immigration policies, or the law, or basic ideological concepts—but dammit I understand that there’s a bunch of Canadians here, and I’m going to dos something about it!” announces Mr. Garrison, whose body has been possessed by the spirit of Trump.
He begins sporting a white “Where My Country Gone?” hat—a play on Trump’s ridiculous “Make America Great Again” headwear—and Mr. Garrison’s political slogan when it comes to immigrants is “Fuck Them All to Death!” Allow him to explain its meaning: “I’m suggesting we round them all up, pull down their pants, and fuck them until their spirits leave their bodies. And after we’ve fucked every last one of them to death, we build a big wall. And if anyone comes over the wall, we fuck them to death, too!”
Canada decides to take action first against its southern hatemongers, erecting a gigantic wall along the America/Canada border to keep Americans out. Mr. Garrison is now approaching Kanye levels of butthurt, and decides to enter Canada illegally by getting inside of a wooden keg and having it be tossed into Niagara Falls—all this in order to follow through with his promise of “fucking” any Canadians he encounters to death. Well, it (obviously) doesn’t work, and Mr. Garrison dies en route to the land he hates.
South Park and its genius creators, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, have their choicest words for Trump be delivered by a Canadian father who tearfully—and against swelling music—describes to Butters and his family why he decided to leave Canada for the United States: “There were several candidates during the Canadian elections,” he recalls. “One of them was this brash asshole who just spoke his mind. He didn’t really offer any solutions, he just said outrageous things. We thought it was funny. Nobody really thought he’d ever be president. It was a joke! But we just let the joke go on for too long. He kept gaining momentum, and by the time we were ready to say, OK, let’s get serious now, who should really be president? he was already being sworn into office. We weren’t paying attention… We weren’t paying attention!”Geez, Butters replies. How bad can a president be?
Then, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: The scene cuts to Trump, sitting at his desk and shot from behind—accentuating his ridiculous coif. The Donald is that “bad” president of Canada, and shouts at his minions, “If those people were to leave this country, then let them! You tell those pussy homos they can suck my balls! And tell the prime minister of China that he can suck my balls. Oh, and Johnson? Suck my balls.”
But wait! Mr. Garrison is alive. He washes up on a beach and, in a scene straight out of 28 Days Later, wanders the empty streets of Canada. Mr. Garrison eventually finds himself in the penthouse office of Donald Trump, and the two engage in a wrestling match on Trump’s ugly orange carpet. Then, Mr. Garrison follows through with his promise, raping Donald Trump to death. Yikes.
Now let’s all brace for Trump's inevitable response: branding Parker and Stone “total losers” with “no class.”