“Good news, everybody,” Stephen Colbert told viewers Thursday night. “We still have a government… for now”
House Judiciary Chairman Jerry Nadler was the first to declare a “constitutional crisis,” but the Late Show host prefers to think of it as “Obstruction Junction: Our Democracy Doesn’t Function.” And now, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi is saying President Trump has made himself “self-impeachable.”
“I don’t know about ‘self-impeachable,’” Colbert said quizzically. “But he is you-impeachable. That’s like the doctor telling you, ‘Your appendix is about to burst, it’s becoming self-removable.’”
Meanwhile, Trump is claiming that he has been cooperating with investigators, despite all evidence to the contrary. Telling reporters that he gave Robert Mueller’s team 1.5 million documents, the president said, “At the end of the testimony, no collusion and essentially, no obstruction.”
That one word stopped Colbert in his tracks. “Essentially?” he asked. “That’s a new one.” As Trump, he added, “It’s like I always said, the Mueller Report gave me complete and total exoneration, sorta.”
“‘Essentially no obstruction,’” Colbert continued. “There are 10 counts of obstruction outlined in the Mueller Report. That’s like Moses coming down from the mountain and saying, ‘I just talked to God. Essentially, no commandments.’”