AND THE WINNER IS...

Stephen Colbert Hands VP Debate to Pence: White Bread Got ‘Pistol-Whipped’ by Mayonnaise

The ‘Late Show’ went live Tuesday to cover the less-than-thrilling vice-presidential debate.

“Man, was that vice-exciting!” Stephen Colbert said sarcastically at the top of his live Late Show Tuesday night following the vice-presidential debate between Tim Kaine and Mike Pence. For those who may have missed the big event, he summed it up this way: “Once upon a time, there was a man who didn’t release his taxes and a woman who didn’t release her emails—and fight!”

Colbert introduced the two lesser-known candidates to viewers by explaining that Kaine plays harmonica in a band called the Jugbusters and former talk-radio host Pence once described himself as “Rush Limbaugh on decaf.”

“That's interesting,” the host said. “I didn’t realize caffeine was the active ingredient in OxyContin.”

“They say these vice presidential debates don’t matter, and Hillary Clinton had better hope so,” Colbert said. “Because both men tried their hardest but it was like watching a loaf of white bread get pistol-whipped by a jar of mayonnaise. Not a lot of flavor, but there was a clear winner.”

“I gotta say, Pence had a pretty good night,” Colbert admitted. But, he added, “There were some surprising admissions from this cultural conservative.” For instance, there was the moment where Pence said, “I try to spend a little time on my knees every day.”

“Now fair warning, Mike, Indiana businesses can now refuse to serve you,” he said. “So I’d say Pence’s strong performance bodes well for Trump since everyone knows the team with the best backup quarterback always wins the Super Bowl.”

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Matt WilsteinSenior Editor

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