Anthony Weiner's Next Job

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Manscaper

He may not have meant to, but Weiner effectively seared the image of his hairless chest into the nation’s collective imagination. You can’t buy that kind of publicity, but plenty of salons would be eager to try. Weiner could work at the Grooming Lounge in D.C., a sports bar and men’s grooming salon on L street, where he could dispense beltway gossip along with his depilatory secrets.

Social Media Consultant

Weiner was in some ways a social media pioneer. Rather than delegating his media presence to an intern, he assiduously monitored comments on his Facebook page and Twitter feed—albeit for mentions of his hotness. He also brought attention to a serious design flaw in Twitter: the ease with which you can confuse a direct message with a public tweet. He could advise other public figures on how to—and not to—use social media, while troubleshooting new services.

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Cable News Host

This is the go-to post-Washington gig, and a time-honored step on the road from scandal to rehabilitation. Just look at Eliot Spitzer. Weiner’s brash, fast-talking style would make him a powerful force on post-Olberman MSNBC.

David Karp / AP Photo

Stay-at-Home Dad

This might be a good way to lay low while earning his way back into his wife’s good graces. With a kid on the way, their income halved, and Huma’s demanding and travel-intensive job, the couple will need all the help around the house they can get.

Harry Hamburg / AP Photo

Health Care Non-Profit

Before his Twitter fiasco, Weiner’s claim to fame was his passionate defense of health care reform. Early in the reform process, he threatened not to vote for the bill without a public option. Now he has the chance to carry on his fight, staying in politics despite losing his office.

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Personal Trainer

We all now know that Weiner is ripped. And he’s clearly proud of his physique. His Twitter broadcasts may have torpedoed his political career, but they’ve set him up for a new one as a personal trainer. With a little help from a professional photographer, he’d be ready to start peddling his workout to middle-aged men looking for abs they wouldn’t be ashamed of a nation seeing.

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Aide to Hillary

Weiner’s wife, Huma, is already Hillary Clinton’s senior adviser, but maybe, with her packed schedule, she could use another aide. It would certainly allow Huma to keep an eye on her husband.

Curtis Means / AP Photo

Congressman

Democratic leadership wanted Weiner out, but they were at odds with the people who really matter: his constituents. A Marist poll of registered voters in Weiner’s district found that 56 percent wanted him to stay in office, while only 33 percent wanted him to resign. As for whether they’d vote for him in 2012, about a third said they definitely would, another third said they definitely wouldn’t, and the rest were undecided. Those aren’t insurmountable odds.

Graham Morrison / AP Photo

Mayor of New York

Before the scandal, Weiner was widely seen as a possible successor to Mayor Bloomberg. A NY1-Marist poll showed that most New Yorkers, despite thinking he should stay in Congress, didn’t think he should try for City Hall. But it wasn’t an overwhelming majority—only 56 percent, with a margin of error of 4.5. Weiner probably won’t be rehabilitated and ready to run in two years, but maybe farther down the road.

AP Photo

Celebrity Rehab

If Weiner wants to make his penance as public as possible, he could always televise it. The congressman already announced he was seeking treatment—for what, he didn’t say. Maybe Weiner could join Craigslist congressman Chris Lee on a spinoff of Sex Rehab, with less sex and more digital flirting.