Donald Trump Is in My Butter
Jan Castellano was preparing a simple breakfast of buttered toast in her Missouri home Saturday morning when she was confronted by a familiar, unwanted face. It puckered, mouth agape with lifeless yellow eyes. It appeared to be caught mid-sentence, flagrantly dispelling angry epithets through fermented cream.
It was the face of Donald Trump in her butter.
“It was a brand new tub,” Castellano told The Daily Beast. “It was just staring right back at me.”
She immediately thought the organic product from Trader Joe’s looked like the leading GOP presidential candidate. Castellano first sent the image to a friend and later passed it on to the local NBC affiliate in St. Louis.
“He has such weird expressions. He’s so animated—whether he’s angry or whether he’s trying to make a point. All the cameras seem to capture him with his mouth kind of open and his eyes scrunched,” Castellano said.
She considered selling the barely used product on eBay, a la the infamous “Virgin Mary toast” which went for the hefty price of $28,000. Castellano joked that it could have probably helped pay off her daughter’s student loans.
It was a tall order for her to consume anything that bore resemblance to a puffy-faced man whom she doesn’t like so much.
“I’m just tired of seeing his face everywhere,” Castellano said, breaking out into exasperated laughter. “And I open up my butter and there he is.”
She assured The Daily Beast there were no other politicians hiding in her pantry.
The toast tasted normal, according to Castellano, although “mildly right-sided.” She hasn’t decided which candidate she’ll support in the 2016 election but the strange discovery has influenced how she may shop in the future.
“He’s everywhere and now he’s in my food products,” Castellano said. “Maybe I’ll buy the real butter. I’ll start buying sticks so I don’t have to worry about it anymore.”