Celebrity Book Dedications: The Best and the Worst

Mark Wahlberg regrets dedicating his memoir to his penis, but he isn’t the only star who needs a do-over. (Here’s looking at you, Heather Mills.) Read 20 honest and hilarious messages.

Russell Brand

My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up

"For my mum, the most important woman in my life, this book is dedicated to you. Now for God's sake don't read it."

Russell Brand went through a rough childhood and was raised by a single mom. We hope she took his advice and put down the Brit's memoir, which is filled with tales of "heroin and whores."

Sharon Osbourne

Sharon Osbourne Extreme: My Autobiography

"I dedicate this book to my darling husband, Ozzy. Thank you for being my partner and my best friend and for changing my life for the better. Thank you most especially for our babies. My love for you is endless."

Ozzy's better half wrote a heartfelt tribute to her husband, whose career she managed for nearly 40 years, and whom she stuck with through domestic abuse, drug problems, and alcoholism. She reminded him that theirs is a true rock 'n' roll love story. So the dedication in his memoir must be equally poignant, right?

Ozzy Osbourne

I Am Ozzy

"I would like to dedicate this book to all my fans. Because of you I've had such an amazing life. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you all. Ozzy."

Even though his memoir was published four years after Sharon's book, Ozzy dedicated his rollercoaster life story to his fans. It's a sweet note, but who's more deserving—his long-suffering wife…or a mosh pit?

Larry King

My Remarkable Journey

"To the women in my life
My wife, Shawn Southwick-King, who gets the civilian purple heart
Wendy Walker, my executive producer and, more importantly, my friend."

With the announcement that he'll cede hosting duties of Larry King Live in the fall, it appears King will no longer be working with Wendy Walker, his executive producer since 1993. At least he can console himself in the arms of his seventh wife, Shawn Southwick. Despite flirting with divorce last April, the couple reconciled. Forget the Purple Heart—this woman deserves a gold medal.

Chelsea Handler

Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

"...Lastly, I'd like to thank Chuey. You are my nugget.
P.S. I'd also like to thank Regan Books for letting me out of my contract with them."

After dedicating her first book to her parents, the late-night host didn't have to look far for inspiration. Her longtime assistant and onscreen sidekick, Chuy Bravo, got the honor this time around (although, curiously, she misspells her "nugget's" name). And it's too bad about that contract— Are You There, Vodka spent nearly a year at the top of the bestseller lists.

Howard Stern

Private Parts

"To Dr. John Sarno, for ridding me of back pain and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
To Ray and Ben Stern, the two most giving people on the planet. I thank them for their love, guidance, and understanding.
And most of all, to my wife, Alison, who stuck with me through thick and thin, who never gave a shit about material things or put any pressure on me, who let me finger her on the first date, and who loved me before I had a radio show."

The shock jock's dedication is unsurprisingly graphic, yet fitting for a book called Private Parts. He and wife Alison Berns divorced after 20 years of marriage, making the dedication bittersweet.

Marilyn Manson

The Long Hard Road Out of Hell

"To Barb and Hugh Warner
May God Forgive Them for Bringing Me Into This World"

The polarizing musician and only child thanked his parents before telling his coming-of-age story. Presumably, they've been forgiven.

Jennifer Love Hewitt

The Day I Shot Cupid: Hello, My Name Is Jennifer Love Hewitt and I'm a Love-aholic

"This book is dedicated to all of you looking for love. Mom, G-ma, Michelle, Jenny, and Dye, who always teach me about who I want to be. My girlfriends, who are always there. My brother, who is my hero. Scott, for believing in my book. And JK, for being a great partner and my real truth. I love you…"

What's more awkward than writing a book about being in love and then going through a very public breakup (and a "vajazzling" period)? At least there are no hard feelings. Although Jennifer Love Hewitt dedicated her advice book to her ex Jamie Kennedy, she could have ditched his name but chose not to.

Bill O'Reilly

A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity

"This book is dedicated to all Factor viewers, listeners, and readers. You guys keep me going."

It's no wonder Bill O'Reilly chose to mention his fans—they also keep him very, very rich.

Kathy Griffin

Official Book Club Selection: A Memoir According to Kathy Griffin

"Kathy, don't take any crap from those people. I don't care if you never work again."
John Patrick Griffin

After Kathy Griffin's father became a regular scene-stealer during the first two seasons of her reality show My Life on the D-List, it was clear that humor ran in the family. (Her mother, Maggie, published her own memoir this year.) After his death in 2007, at the age of 90, the comedienne's life appeared much more, well, real. Her quotation reminds us that in the eyes of her father, Kathy was always on the A-list.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder

"To My Mother
To Charles Gaines and George Butler, whose genuine enthusiasm, energy and talent changed the sport of bodybuilding and who I am honored to count among my closest friends."

Arnold's second love, after his inimitable wife, Maria, was bodybuilding. In his 1993 illustrated autobiography, Schwarzenegger details his weightlifting routine and recalls a Mr. Olympia competition from the '70s that was documented by Gaines and Butler in the 1977 documentary Pumping Iron.

Heather Mills McCartney

A Single Step

"This book is dedicated to the many people I love—I wish I could have mentioned you all. To my brother, Shane; sister Claire; wonderful friend Ruth; my best friend and loving husband, Paul; but most of all to my sister Fiona, whose devoted care helped me overcome my accident and make it through the darkest hours."

Heather Mills' memoir was republished in 2002, shortly after her fairytale wedding to Paul McCartney. A few short years later came the separation, nasty divorce, embarrassing court battles, and eventual settlement worth nearly $50 million. Here's hoping she used the cash to scoop up all the remaining copies of A Single Step.

Tobias Wolff

This Boy's Life: A Memoir

"…My first stepfather used to say that what I didn't know would fill a book. Well, here it is."

While it doesn't come from the pen of a Hollywood star, Tobias Wolff's dedication is too good to pass up. The famed short story author gives his stepfather a comeuppance in This Boy's Life, which became a bestseller and a film starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Not a bad life for someone who didn't know much.

Mia Farrow

What Falls Away

"For my mother and my children who have stood by me,
and to those grandchildren and great-grandchildren whom I may never meet"

After her public breakup with Woody Allen, Mia Farrow felt " compelled to document [the truth]" and published her emotional memoir in 1997. Allen married Farrow's adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn the same year the book came out. Farrow's mention of the grandchildren she may never meet is a bitter reminder of her falling-out with her daughter.

Rodney Dangerfield

It's Not Easy Bein' Me: A Lifetime of No Respect but Plenty of Sex and Drugs

"I dedicate this book to my wife, Joan,
and to all the girls who let me sleep over"

After finding girls to respect him enough to let him spend the night, Rodney Dangerfield was married to his second wife Joan for 11 years.

Whoopi Goldberg


"To Frank; my daughter, Alex;
my brother, Clyde; and my mom, Emma…
the soup from which all this flows"

Whoopi was linked to actor Frank Langella for nearly five years before they split, which explains the "to Frank" in her 1997 Book. How her loved ones were all "soup" remains less clear.

Sarah Ferguson

Reinventing Yourself with The Duchess of York: Inspiring Stories and Strategies for Changing Your Weight and Your Life

"People often ask me whether I'd rewrite my own history if I could. It's an intriguing thought. Certainly there were dark periods in my life when I would have welcomed the change to be someone else. Today I feel much differently, though, because I've learned so much from my past; looking back, even the difficult times served a purpose in shaping the stronger and more confident person I've become."

Unfortunately, this 2001 how-to couldn't predict the Duchess of York's recent fall from grace. In the introduction, Sarah Ferguson seems to have moved on from her controversial past. Little did she know what was ahead: the scandalous sale of access to her ex-husband and rumors of bankruptcy.

Jon Stewart

Naked Pictures of Famous People

"For my love—Tracey, Stan, and Shamsky.
No offense, Sportscenter."

Before taking over The Daily Show, Stewart expressed his feelings for his girlfriend (and future wife), their cat, and his pit bull in his 1999 book of short stories and essays. His love for ESPN remains unchallenged.

Anne Heche

Call Me Crazy

"For Kathy, Lauren, and Harley,
who brought me to the other side,
and for Coley,
who was waiting for me there"

These are far nicer words than the ones Anne Heche later chose to describe ex-husband Coley Laffoon. And call us crazy, but didn't she leave Coley for her Men in Trees co-star?

George Carlin

Last Words: A Memoir

"Gee, he was here a moment ago…"
—(What George wanted on his tombstone—if he'd had one.)

George always gets the last laugh.