SCHLONGUp Close With Jon Hamm03.27.13SCHLONGUp Close With Jon HammJon Hamm wants everyone to ‘lay off’ his penis, but everywhere we look—on the red carpet, at movie premieres, on the baseball mound—there it is! See photos of Hamm’s latest claim to fame.03.27.13 5:52 PM ETGettyJon Hamm wants everyone to “lay off” his penis, but how can we when it’s literally staring us in the face? Everywhere we look, there’s Hamm on the red carpet, accompanied by his lovely girlfriend and giant wang. There they all are at a movie premiere. And look! There’s Hamm and his bat on the baseball mound. Sure, the joke’s a little old and we wouldn’t mind a change, perhaps in the form of another devastatingly handsome actor’s John Thomas. On the other hand, why shouldn’t we celebrate the glorious rise of Jon Hamm’s penis, which two underwear companies are reportedly vying for? It wouldn’t be fair to nip his penis’s career in the bud when it’s just taking off! We’ll avoid getting too carried away, but let’s be honest: when Season Six of Mad Men premieres in 11 days, all eyes will be on Don Draper’s dong. —Lizzie Crocker Jim Spellman/WireImage/Getty “They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason,” Hamm recently said of his buzzed-about bulge in an interview with Rolling Stone. “I’m wearing pants, for f*ck’s sake.” It’s true, and we love watching you strut your stuff in them on the red carpet. Here, Hamm, girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt, and his privates attend a private screening of Friends With Kids on March 5, 2012, in New York. Michael Tran/FilmMagic/Getty "I'm a shower, not a grower," Hamm told Rolling Stone. Actually, we made that up. Hamm never said that, but one has to wonder... Jason LaVeris/FilmMagic/Getty Don't think we don't know what you're smirking about! (“Yep, I’m hung like a horse.”) Grinning ear to ear, Hamm poses at a Chateau Marmont pre-party for the Entertainment Weekly SGAs in January. Jon Furniss/WireImage/Getty Nothing to see here! Hamm gives a little love to the camera at last year's Orange British Academy Film Awards. Francis Specker/Landov Hamm and girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt giggle together at the 2009 premiere of the film I Love You, Man in California. And no, for the last time, she isn’t with him for his family jewels. Rick Diamond/Getty Hamm knows there are worse things in life than being an acclaimed actor with a famous penis. "But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn't part of the deal," he told Rolling Stone. Wrong again, Jon.