SMACKDOWN

2016 No-Hopers Fight Over Metric System

One says embracing the system will help us improve relations abroad, while the other smells a socialist plot.

Adorably optimistic presidential contenders Bobby Jindal and Lincoln Chafee are duking it out over whether or not the United States should move to the metric system.

Chafee, the former Democratic governor of Rhode Island, brought up this key issue when he announced his quixotic presidential bid to a half-empty room in the soulless suburb of Arlington, Virginia. He indicated that moving to the metric system could help right some of the wrongs committed during the Iraq War, as it would be “a symbolic integration of ourselves into the international community after mistakes of the past 12 to 14 years.”

Chafee also said that he used to live in Canada, and that America’s northern neighbor made that transition without much strife.

“Believe me it is easy,” the presidential contender said, per The Guardian. “It doesn’t take long before 34 degrees is hot.”

Jindal, the Republican Louisiana governor who is expected to soon announce that he, too, will join the fight for the White House, does not agree with Chafee on this important issue.

“Typical Democrat—wants to make America more European,” Jindal spokesman Michael Reed told Politico. “Governor Jindal would rather make the world more American.”

If these two contenders become their respective parties’ nominees—and they almost certainly won’t—you can expect a brutal smackdown over systems of measurement.

Polls currently show that Jindal has the support of 1.6 percent of Republican primary voters. Chafee, meanwhile, averages 1.6 percent among Democrats.

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Betsy SwanFormer Political Reporter

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