Alan Dershowitz has been lying relatively low during quarantine after he was implicated in the Jeffrey Epstein sex-trafficking scandal more than a year ago. That made his decision to appear as a guest this week on the Stephen Colbert-produced comedy show Tooning Out the News all the more baffling.
And the cartoon hosts did not hold back in grilling him about his connections to the late billionaire pedophile.
Noting that Dershowitz helped negotiate “what many considered to be a sweetheart plea deal” for Epstein with the Southern District of Florida in 2007, fictional Hot Take co-host Jonathan Keene asked, “Do you think anyone will beat your record of discrediting 34 accusers in a single plea deal?”
Dershowitz laughed as the Tomi Lahren-inspired Bonnie Davis added, “When you were negotiating that deal, did you say ‘whore’ so many times you forgot the meaning?”
The lawyer insisted he would “never use that term to describe a young woman.” When he characterized Epstein as an “underdog” in the case, the show’s brash host Tyler Templeton came back with, “Man, I hope one day I can look at over a hundred accusers and someone worth hundreds of millions of dollars and see that the rich pedophile is the underdog!”
From there, the cartoon hosts moved on to grill Dershowitz about his time spent on Epstein’s private island. “Have you ever been there, and if so, don’t you hate it when Prince Andrew’s ass knocks over your drink?” one wanted to know.
As he has done in the past, Dershowitz confirmed that he did visit the island with his wife and daughter. “We spent one day there,” he said. “There were no young people there, there were no girls, there were no women.”
“That’s a big relief that you weren’t there during Epstein’s 20-year alleged pedophile phase,” Keene joked, before introducing the night’s sponsor: Pleasant Dreams natural sleep aid.
“Do you have trouble sleeping because you know Jeffrey Epstein’s tapes are out there somewhere and could instantly destroy all you hold dear?” Keene asked. When Dershowitz started to answer the rhetorical question, he told him they had to finish the ad read before they could continue with the interview.
“After all that, anyone else feel like a boiling hot shower?” Templeton asked the crew as the segment started to wind down. “All right, I’ve got to go to my friend’s house where he offers every guest a massage from a woman in a recorded private room out of the good, non-blackmail part of his heart. Goodnight, everyone!”
But before they let him go, they had to ask Dershowitz who he would “flip” on first if the feds come banging down his door, adding, “Please say Bill Clinton!”
“I have nobody to flip on,” Dershowitz said with a nervous chuckle. “Because I did nothing wrong and I’m aware of nobody else who’s done anything wrong, except for the person who... no longer is alive.”
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