All the Best Late-Night Jokes About Rudy Giuliani’s Literal Meltdown

Every once in a while something happens that’s so insane every late-night host is contractually obligated to make fun of it. Rudy Giuliani’s hair dye-dripping My Cousin Vinny press conference was one of those moments.

First up was The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah, who noted how impossible it was to follow Giuliani’s election conspiracy theory “because we were all distracted” by the black lines streaking down his face. “OK, I know that this could be the end of American democracy, but guys, this shit is hilarious,” Noah said. “I mean, Trump always said that he had leakers in his administration, but I didn’t know it was this bad!”

“What the hell was going on with Rudy?” the host asked. “Honest question, was his hair dye dripping? Was his brain shitting itself? Honestly, I didn’t even know that sideburns could get periods. You know your legal strategy is fucked up when even your hair starts crying about it.”

“It seems like the press conference was getting a little hot, because part-way through his presentation, Rudy sweat so much that his hair dye started running down his face,” Stephen Colbert said during his monologue. “Either that, or he had so much to drink he was sweating merlot.”

“Remind me: Is it a good sign when your lawyer starts melting?” the Late Show host asked. “Looks like Rudy got a bad batch of ‘Just for Henchmen.’ That's not just hair dye, it looks like his hair is dying. Rudy dyed his hair, but his head is challenging the results.”

“Now, obviously, it’s easy to make fun of Rudy here,” Colbert said, “but it’s also very satisfying.”

Jimmy Kimmel, meanwhile, told his viewers that Giuliani’s press conference could be considered a success, “in that it did not take place in a parking lot next to a dildo shop.”

“But otherwise it was a desperate, vomitous attack on every American who bothered to vote,” the host added, calling Giuliani’s decision to act out a scene from My Cousin Vinny a “bold move” from a “guy who married one of his.”

“This press conference went on for an hour and 45 minutes and during that time, he got sweaty and his hair color was running down both sides of his head,” he continued. “He was literally dying up there today. Isn’t it funny, the ones who shout ‘fake news’ the loudest all have fake heads?”

“It’s like something out of a sci-fi horror movie,” Kimmel joked. “It’s a Gramp-ire! Run for your life!”

Jimmy Fallon opened with Giuliani’s “masterpiece,” joking, “I think our voting system is fine, I think it’s Rudy that’s broken.”

“That started as an update on the election lawsuits and turned into every bad improv show I’ve ever been to,” the Tonight Show host added. “He’s sweating like Borat just walked in the room.”

But Fallon could barely keep it together when he started talking about Giuliani’s dripping hair dye. “When Rudy wakes up in the morning, his pillow must look like a Rorschach test. Later, they had to clean Rudy off like a seagull in one of those commercials for Dawn dish soap.” And then, “You know what might have stopped people from seeing that, by the way? A mask!”

“It’s not all bad for Rudy,” he concluded. “He just landed a hair dye endorsement from Just for Unhinged Men.”

And during his latest “A Closer Look” segment, Seth Meyers asked why “America’s wettest lawyer” is “always wiping his entire face like he just got finished doing Crossfit while eating a meatball sub.”

“It’s not great when the lawyer is looking like he’s about to admit to the crime,” the Late Night host added. “Can we just call this an attempted coup now?” he asked, turning more serious. “Because that’s what it is.”

“It’s a coup,” Meyers repeated, “and even if it doesn’t succeed because everyone involved is a moron, that doesn’t make it any less horrifying.”

For more, listen and subscribe to The Last Laugh podcast.