Menswear Staples I Fantasize About My Husband Wearing, Because That’s What Our Marriage Has Come To

There’s something about a short-sleeved shirt on a man buttoned all the way to the top that makes me want to rip it right off (so I can borrow it, of course). The textured, salt-and-pepper hue has more character and depth than a monochromatic shirt, with an equal balance of both gray and blue notes to match whatever type of pants he has on hand that aren’t covered in stains. 

We go to a lot of metal concerts and festivals, so his wardrobe is predominantly black. I wouldn’t be mad if he introduced a little sunshine into his wardrobe with these golden, slim-fitted chinos that, like animal prints, are the new neutral. As part of Everlane’s Uniform collection featuring 12 wardrobe basics that work for most occasions, these pants might be sartorially inappropriate for a moshpit, but they’d definitely stand up to the impact. Hey, at least the color would disguise all those honey Dijon stains!

Lord, grant my husband the confidence to wear a blazer somewhere that isn’t a wedding. I totally get his fear of looking like he owns a yacht, but I continue to tell him that dressing polished doesn’t automatically make him an asshole. Navy blue (with obligatory gold hardware) is a great transition color away from black. Because “black and blue should never be seen together unless they’re in the washing machine,” it’ll force him to eschew his ripped black jeans in favor of the aforementioned ~ochre~ ones.

Because it’s important for my husband to retain his sense of agency and identity throughout my mid-marriage crisis, this body-hugging sweater is close enough to his original style to make him feel like himself, while also looking tailored enough to fit under a slim jacket or paired with tailored slacks. The hood can help dress down an outfit in which he would otherwise feel like a five-year-old dressed in a trench coat wearing a monocle (he doesn’t actually have a monocle...yet). 

I won’t bore you with the details, but my husband went into deep mourning when his friends drunkenly ripped his favorite cargo shorts to threads. Because we can only wear shorts a couple months out of the year here in Montreal, Canada, it makes a lot more sense from a financial and space-saving perspective to invest in those same shorts in pant form. Joggers are a cool way to reap the benefits of cargo pants with their elastic ankle and waistbands, while still being stylish enough to pair with his favorite leather jacket.

A scientific study I completely made up shows that my husband and I would actually be on time for events if it didn’t take him 45 minutes to lace up his boots. They’re the type of boots that would survive the apocalypse or a bear fight. Like, honey, you’re shovelling snow. Relax. These ankle boots aren’t only convenient for slipping on and off, but they’re also salt-resistant, fleece-lined, and equipped with grooved cleats for traction when our sidewalk decides to turn into a skating rink. It also doesn’t hurt that the chocolate brown leather looks worn-in in a refined type of way. 10/10 I think he would benefit from these aesthetically and logistically.

This reliable, no BS shirt has it all. It has a subtle enough plaid print to not intimidate the rest of the ripped band shirts in his closet, yet it’s fitted enough to belong under a sport jacket. I can see the emerald color bringing out his deep brown eyes and working to inspire optimism during the winter and on-brand outdoorsy characteristics during the summer. Conveniently, its shirttail hem makes it a little longer than the traditional shirt, which is great for when his boxers decide to make a surprise appearance.