Sunday's Golden Globes: They were fast-moving and improbable, sort of like The Hangover. Also? There were more snubs than you could shake your DNA-sharing braid at. But, like every year, famous people came out to show us that they're just like our families: a bit more fun after three drinks.
Here is a full list of the winners that were.
To read the comments in chronological order, click here.
Click the Image to View Our Gallery of the Red Carpet at This Year's Golden Globes
10:57—Julia Roberts came out to drag the curtain down on this party, with her maharajah ruby necklace. (It symbolizes "wealth," or "spirituality" or something.) And the win of the night? She seems a little disappointed. And she should be. Quentin Tarantino looks cranky. Kathryn Bigelow certainly should be cranky. Daniel Day-Lewis? Definitely sorta disturbed by Avatar.
I do think that what will happen is that there will be a fight, at some point, regarding animated movies, and CGI movies, and old-fashioned movies without motion capture. James Cameron's attempt to be inclusive--"pat yourselves on the back!"--is not playing in this crowd, because this is a bit "us v. them" at this point. There are clearly some, even in this crowd, who think that the likes of Avatar is just capitalism and not so much a chance for actors to ply their craft. (Don't tell that to Sam Worthington though.)
So: Golden Globes, 2028. Will it have a 3-D-only Best Picture category? Will it have a no-CGI Best Picture category? Will the finance people agree with the art crowd that Tarantino & Bigelow are making substantially different categories of filmed entertainment from Bigelow's ex-husband?
In other news, Christian Slater has already hit the afterparty. And I think it's time to join him. Here's to 2010: maybe a better year in movies.
10:56—Best motion picture, drama, goes to Avatar.
10:48—Jeff Bridges did, in fact, grow up in Westwood, so it is improbable that he has that folksy, earnest, backwoods accent. However! His folksy, earnest, backwoods face? He earned that, through living. It is terrific: the deep wrinkles, the double dimples. He got those by living large. We are now image-Googling for pictures of his stand-in, whom he thanked. Has his stand-in lived as hard and as terrifically? Only his face can tell the story of so many decades, lived so close to the edge.
10:47—Best actor in a drama goes to Jeff Bridges.
10:41—Remember when Robert Downey Jr. was circling the drain? All strung out and missing and nearly donezo? That was a near miss. What would we have done without him? He became the most delightful man around.
10:40—Robert Downey Jr. wins best actor in a comedy or musical.
10:37—Sandy Bullock Strikes Back! The Revenge of the Bullock! Romancing the Bullock! Sandy Bullock 2: Electric Bugaloo! America's Old Sweetheart is Once Again America's New Sweetheart! And you know, I'm not sad to have her back. (Just remember Miss Congeniality. Good times, those were.)
10:36—Sandra Bullock wins best actress in a drama for The Blind Side.
10:33—It's amazing that the governor of California isn't being pelted with glasses and rotten fruit. Hello, the state is bankrupt and here we all are, while people are probably looting five blocks away. Instead everyone there is laughing and applauding. And this is why they hate liberal Hollywood.
10:29—You know, Best Comedy or Musical as a category was wide-open, and that is a true reflection of the problems of 2009. Movies and comedies were troubled. This category is full of small, or troubled, or iffy, or niche movies. So why not The Hangover? At least it made money! People saw the holy heck outta that movie. You know why? Because it was oh-so- raunchy and the kids today like the risque, and the dirty language and the sexual situations. (This is why in 20 years there will be an award-sweeping movie that stars a bunch of people's butts. But that's OK!)
10:19— Glee wins for best TV series, comedy or musical.
10:18—My party has gotten as drunk as the audience at the Hilton, and this means that they were underwhelmed by James Cameron's win for best director but a little bit excited that he can still remember his made-up Na'avi language, which you know what? There are not Internet Usenet groups devoted to Na'avi. The kids are not blogging in Na'avi. It is not Klingon. It's not really all the rage at all!
10:15—James Cameron wins best director for Avatar.
10:14—It's weird that it feels TOO SOON for Mel Gibson drunk jokes. (I think Ricky Gervais got booed a little when he basically called Gibson a Drunky McDrunk? Or were they booing Gibson? Which!) I mean, everyone (that matters) in the room is Jewish! Have we all really gotten over that incident? I pretty much haven't!
10:02—Da Vinci, Picasso, Beethoven... Scorsese! Do you think that might be true? Or is it completely improbable? Or will no one remember Beethoven maybe—like, in the year 2178, will Lady Gaga be more important? In any event. This Scorsese tribute is in fact an exceptional montage. The King of Comedy is really the greatest movie ever, ever, ever.
9:52—This is a win everyone can get behind: Christoph Waltz! I mean, we all loved his work in Die Zürcher Verlobung... Kidding! We love it when a kooky and excellent fifty-something Austrian who actually knows how to act gets to hang out with famous people!
9:51—Christoph Waltz wins best supporting actor in a movie for Inglourious Basterds.
9:48—Chloe Sevigny wins best supporting actress in a TV series or movie for Big Love.
9:41—Christina Hendricks! That is amazing. (Almost as amazing as Jon Hamm's beard.) She is a stunning woman. Do you think in 60 years she will be on this stage again, in the Sophia Loren role, and everyone will give her a standing ovation and cry?
9:39— Mad Men won for best TV drama.
9:37—I guess it is OK that Michael Haneke beat out Pedro Almodovar. But It is not OK that they cut to ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER during Haneke's speech just because they are both Austrian, that is just plain old racist.
9:36—Michael Haneke's The White Ribbon wins best foreign film.
9:33—It's amazing that the Sophia Loren appearance is the highlight of the evening. This suggests that there is a little bit of a lack of pizazz tonight? That no one quite knows what to do in the face of Haiti? The room here erupted: "This outfit could be from the '80s you don't know!" "OMG what!" "Yay, love her glasses." "When they go outside they become sunglasses!" "Do not make fun of Sophia Loren! You cannot make fun of Sophia Loren!"
9:27—Best comedy actor in a TV show goes to Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock. (And wasn't there to accept it.)
9:24—Jason Reitman and Sheldon Turner win best screenplay for Up in the Air.
9:23—Ricky Gervais' beard is getting thicker as the evening goes on, right? It's like some fast-motion Fantastic Mr. Fox animation.
9:18—I'm going to say something! Maybe I am not supposed to say this? But... are there any other black people at this awards show besides the fine people at the Precious table? Oh, yes, hello Chiwetel Ejiofor! But... is that it? And can I get an Asian? (Related: What happened to Lucy Liu? Did Code Name: The Cleaner finally do her in? She was awesome.)
9:15—Hey, now! Old New Drew Barrymore, come back! Remember that interlude of responsible adulthood between crazy behavior in front of David Letterman years ago and tonight's crazy Golden Globes speech? It was nice. We would like to turn back the clock to that again pretty please.
9:14—For Grey Gardens, Drew Barrymore wins for best actress in a TV miniseries or movie.
9:11—Kevin Bacon wins for best actor in a TV miniseries or movie for Taking Chance.
9:05—A few important notes:
- Jeanne Tripplehorn looked AMAZING in the background, behind Rachael Horovitz accepting the award for the fantastic Grey Gardens. It would be the greatest if she helmed a reboot of Catwoman.
- You cannot call Meryl Streep "greedy," Colin Farrell.
- This is fantastic that Meryl Streep gets to give another speech. Take five minutes on YouTube and search Meryl Streep Acceptance Speech. There's quite a few, obviously! And they are all exquisite.
- This Meryl Streep speech? Absolutely in her Top Five. It's like a hot bath of Meryl Streep. The tribute to her mother? And you know what? They do not turn the music on for Meryl Streep. You do not hush the Streep! The Streep will be show you how it is done and she is done at exactly the right moment.
9:01—For best performance by an actress in a comedy, Meryl Streep won for Julie and Julia. (She was also nominated in the same category for It's Complicated.)
8:55— Grey Gardens won for best miniseries or TV movie.
8:48—Michael Giacchino wins for best score for Up
8:47—One joke that never gets old is saying "I see you" to people, a la Avatar. It is the greatest, especially when they're mad at you. Like at the deli, when they're tired of waiting for you to find change. "I SEE YOU."
8:46—"The Weary Kind" from Crazy Heart wins best original song, motion picture.
8:44—I'm sorry, I blacked out for a minute during Cher and Christina Aguilera? You can't just spring that on people like us (gays) in the audience! Listen, they both looked amazing but kind of insane—one who had the "fake boob out" cutaway dress, and the other who had some sort of postmodern semi-corset? I sort of lost my mind and I can't even recover, but they did look like some kind of astral projection from Planet Amazing Sexual Crisis.
8:39—Did you know that The Good Wife has like 14 million or so viewers each episode, on average? A huge number of people watch this show! It is insanely popular. And Julianna thanked Les Moonves for keeping dramas on at 10 o'clock, zing Jeff Zucker. Should I be watching this? This is a slightly odd awards show.
Dexter and Tara are a very unlikely couple.
8:36—Julianna Margulies wins for best actress in a television series drama for The Good Wife.
8:34—Michael C. Hall wins for best actor in a television series drama.
8:33—Neil Patrick Harris' shirt was perfect, right? It's blindingly white. And this is a hot category he's introducing--Hot Man In A Drama. It's impossible to have known who to have rooted for in this one! Jon Hamm's beard has been uprooting young women's feelings all over the Internet. (Just ask Twitter and Tumblr. Jon Hamm's beard is the biggest winner here tonight.)
8:23—Tonight's theme is that pretty much everyone is having trouble above the forehead. I know that sounds mean, but we have HD now in America, and, we can see things we were never meant to see. Paul McCartney's hair dye is just off. But the guy from Up, is very hot in a really young Frankenstein way. He has great hair. And, apparently, two children, who he thanks. Aww.
8:12—This awards show is going as fast as the American attention span! Toni Collette, beating out Tina Fey, is very nearly forced to admit that no one watches her very fine show. Her dress? Golden and A+. Her speech? Sweet and short. Took less time than Paul McCartney's umbrella took to pass on the red carpet.
8:11—Because Mo'Nique wins for best supporting for Precious.
8:10—The Haiti Issue was been disposed of without much fuss, by Nicole Kidman. This is both seemly and sort of disappointing. And yet we have our most fabulous moment of the evening, with Mo'Nique beating out Julianne Moore's enormous, multi-billion dollar earrings. This is going to be a strange new world when Mo'Nique is like stomping in and out of CAA and taking meetings with Brad Pitt's production company. Annnnnd she just regained all the status she sort of tossed away by being "difficult" and "troublesome" according to the blogs on the Internet!
8:03—Tonight already has the charming feel of a very rich high-school reunion. It's cute! It looks swank, and doesn't have that overstuffed, enormous Oscar feel. It's small, and lewd, and drinky--and the loudmouth guy from math class is up at the podium.
Newly invented Haiti ribbons everywhere and the world's most immense emeralds on Julianne Moore! My God. It's important to note just how shiny Ricky Gervais is. This is unacceptable. There are handy products made by Lancome for this purpose. In any event, Ricky Gervais is sort of killing. With his pint in hand.
7:57—Don't you love how it's a crisis when it rains a little in Los Angeles? "Good luck, STAY DRY!" has been the way to say goodbye from the red carpet folks.
In other news, the guy who plays the stupid guy on True Blood... doesn't sound all that smart in real life. Who would have thought.
Also, Ryan Seacrest is head and shoulders above Billy Bush, in terms of "skills" (at least on the red carpet). Also Tina Fey got her outfit from Beetlejuice cast-offs.
And the JETS WON! WHOO!
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Choire Sicha is co-proprietor of The Awl and is at work on a nonfiction book for HarperStudio.