Dear Mr. Hasbro,
Again, thank you for providing me with my fondest childhood memories of sitting around the card table with my family playing board games. We have been doing a lot of that again lately and only wish there was a new exciting board we could enjoy that reflected these uncertain times teeming with strife and boredom.
I’m sure your company will recall that in the past I have pitched you some ideas inspired by my favorite Parker Bros. games like Trouble, Sorry!, Aggravation, Risk, and Headache. I had made the mistake, I realize now, of trying to second guess you would want more games based on pain and suffering and understand why you rejected Trauma, Mourn, Gout! and Mass Destruction—they were too depressing and unappealing to teenagers.
I learned my lesson and believe I got it right this time. Go with a sure thing. Based on your flagship game, I present to you Monotony (although I would be happy if you decide to go with the special edition name, Pandemic Monopoly). My game would be for every pod, with something for Trump lovers and Trump loathers alike. For instance, the new playing tokens will include a Confederate statue and a kneeling football player aside from the new classics, a laptop and a roll of toilet paper. The rules would be the same and would play as monotonously as the original (Ha, ha. I’m only kidding, we love Monopoly.).
As far as any concerns you may have regarding this being too on the nose, may I remind you how popular your Spanish Flu board game was back in 1918 and that our favorite games here at the Eckstein household are The Sinking of the Titanic and The Donner Party board game. Not only have both provided endless hours of fun and enjoyment, but they teach the family lessons about survival and God.
Our window of opportunity is not going to be open forever. My family had hoped to come out with Monotony before the medical community comes out with an effective vaccine that ends the pandemic. So what are we waiting for? “Monotony, For the Whole Family.”
Robert J. Eckstein