Colbert and Kimmel Expose Matt Gaetz Sex Party Madness
“I’ve never been so torn in my life,” the “Late Show” host joked. “I want there to be a sex tape, but I don’t want to dig out my own eyes with a grapefruit spoon.”
ABC/CBS
There’s just something about scandalous congressional sex parties that was irresistible for the late-night hosts Wednesday night.
“This morning, we learned that [Matt] Gaetz attended champagne-fueled sex parties with GOP officials,” Stephen Colbert began on The Late Show, citing a Daily Beast report. “I’ve never been so torn in my life. I want there to be a sex tape, but I don’t want to dig out my own eyes with a grapefruit spoon.”
“These weren’t your workaday champagne intercourse shindigs,” the host continued. “They were house parties in a gated community in suburban Orlando. Is Matt Gaetz a congressman or a high school senior?” Noting that women said they were told to put away their cellphones because the men didn’t want the night’s activities to be documented, Colbert joked that the women replied, “It’s sex with Matt Gaetz, neither do we.”
From there, he moved on to the news that Gaetz’s alleged sex trafficker buddy has been cooperating with the federal investigation into the congressman. “If Greenberg’s been dishing that whole time, the feds should expect a Venmo payment any day, because Gaetz is fucked.”
Meanwhile, over on ABC, Jimmy Kimmel gleefully mocked Gaetz for reportedly trying to talk politics with the women who were hired to be at the alleged sex parties. “That’s great, he’s like the one guy at the bachelor party who keeps telling the strippers about his divorce,” he joked.
“Two women who say they were at these parties told CNN they saw Gaetz taking pills they assumed were party drugs and he had sex with the women, after which money would change hands,” the host continued. “That’s crazy. Has Matt Gaetz learned nothing from Donald Trump? You’re supposed to have your lawyer pay the women after you have sex with them! In secret!”
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