If Rear Admiral Ronny Jackson isn’t going to be President Trump’s personal doctor anymore, Stephen Colbert knows just the man for the job: “Trump’s longtime personal physician, and stolen stereo-equipment dealer, Harold Bornstein.”

As the Late Show host recalled, Bornstein “became famous after he wrote a one-page letter vouching for Trump’s fitness that stated, ‘If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.’” He then joked, “I don’t think Donald Trump is even the healthiest individual named Donald Trump,” as a photo of Don Jr. appeared on screen.

The president and his former physician reportedly had a falling out after Bornstein revealed that Trump had been taking Propecia to prevent hair loss. “Now, taking hair-growth drugs is not something Trump should be embarrassed about,” Colbert said. “He should be angry that they do not work.”

The reason Colbert was talking about Bornstein at all is that news broke on Tuesday that the doctor’s office had been raided by Trump’s personal bodyguard, who allegedly confiscated the president’s medical records. “They muscled their way into Trump’s doctor’s office to steal evidence that Donald Trump is going bald?” Colbert asked. “They know we can see, right? Are they also going to take away wind?”

“But perhaps the saddest detail of this story is when Trump’s thugs saw this photo of Bornstein and Trump in the waiting room and they asked him to take it off the wall,” Colbert added. “Damn. When Trump breaks up, he goes full middle-school girl!”

Bornstein, meanwhile, is comparing the raid to Watergate. “Forget Propecia,” Colbert said. “When he says that, I feel like Bornstein just prescribed me Viagra.”