“Donald Trump vs. Joe Biden—and I don’t mean 2020, I mean 3 p.m. afterschool,” joked The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah.
Yes, on Tuesday, former vice president Joe Biden delivered a speech to the University of Miami as part of the nationwide anti-sexual assault campaign “It’s On Us,” and in it, he took some shots at the president.
“A guy who ended up becoming our national leader said, ‘I can grab a woman anywhere and she likes it,’” Biden said, referencing Trump’s infamous Access Hollywood tape wherein he brags about sexually-assaulting women at will. “They asked me, would I like to debate this gentleman? And I said, no, if we were in high school I’d take him behind the gym and beat the hell out of him.”
Addressing Trump’s ridiculous “locker room talk” excuse, Biden later added, “I’ve been in a lot of locker rooms my whole life. I’m a pretty damn good athlete. Any guy who talked that way was usually the fattest, ugliest S.O.B. in the room.”
This led President Trump, a real estate heir who’s been protected by security guards since he was a teenager and is afraid of staircases, to tweet, “Crazy Joe Biden is trying to act like a tough guy. Actually, he is weak, both mentally and physically, and yet he threatens me, for the second time, with physical assault. He doesn’t know me, but he would go down fast and hard, crying all the way. Don’t threaten people Joe!”
And so, on Thursday night’s edition of The Daily Show, Noah weighed in on the imaginary septuagenarian brawl.
“And here’s the thing: personally, I have no idea who would win this fight. I mean, Biden seems scrappy, but if seventy years of McDonald’s couldn’t take Trump down, I don’t know what can,” said Noah.
“Wouldn’t it be funny if Biden saw Black Panther and now he thinks this is how he gets to take over the White House?” he added, before throwing to a photo of Biden-as-Killmonger: “I challenge the commander-in-chief! Each scar represents a time I ran for president!”
Where’s Celebrity Deathmatch when you need it?