Donald Trump insured that the fly, not Mike Pence or that “monster,” Kamala Harris, who womansplained to the vice president, would be the story coming out of the vice presidential debate by calling into Fox News before the sun was barely up. He delivered a message to that pesky Commission on Presidential Debates to take its virtual debate scheduled for Thursday and shove it.
There’s no need to go virtual, since he’s “not contagious at all.” Or so says Dr. Trump, who knows more than his physicians, who can’t offer a second opinion because of blanket NDAs. What’s all the fuss? Aides promised they would back up Trump’s self-prognosis with multiple negative tests before the event, an utterly meaningless prediction meant to convince planners that he wouldn’t turn the Miami event into a superspreader like the party for Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett or the one the next day for Gold Star families (spreaders themselves, according to Trump) with their penchant for kissing and hugging, or, just give him time, Melania, the recuperating first lady taped by her former assistant complaining about putting up f***ing Christmas decorations at the White House.
At first, Joe Biden said he would abide by the commission’s decision. An hour later, he accepted Trump’s cancellation, perhaps enjoying Trump digging himself into an ever bigger hole. Another debate would expose Biden to the contagion he apparently escaped at the first debate in Cleveland. Trump arrived late to the hall and, according to moderator Chris Wallace, got in on “the honor system.” Biden will also save himself from a second exposure to someone who treated their first encounter like a tweetstorm, all caps, all insults, all the time.