D*CKED DOWN

Finnish Skier Comes Down with ‘Unbearable’ Case of ‘Frozen Penis’ During Beijing Race

“It was just about battling through,” Finnish athlete Remi Lindholm said, adding that using a heat pack to thaw out his frozen body part after the race was “unbearable.”

A Finnish skier crossed the finish line in considerable discomfort during an Olympic cross-country event over the weekend, after his penis froze during a race for the second time in a year. Considering the circumstances, Remi Lindholm finished respectably, placing 28th out of a pack of roughly 60 skiers at the Beijing Games mass start race on Saturday. The Finn made his way across the icy 30-kilometer course in just over 75 minutes, Reuters reported Sunday. He was then handed a heat pack to thaw out a particularly frozen appendage. “When the body parts started to warm up after the finish, the pain was unbearable,” Lindholm told Finnish media. He called it “one of the worst competitions I’ve been in.” Anxious officials, concerned about screaming winds and the frigid temperature, had delayed the race by an hour and shortened the track by 20 kilometers, but such adjustments were ultimately of little help to Lindholm. “It was just about battling through,” he added. Lindholm, hapless but eternally hardy, suffered a similar penile affliction during a 2021 cross-country skiing race in Ruka, Finland, according to Reuters.