In a new profile by Vanity Fair, actress Jennifer Lawrence revealed a terrifying, near-death experience she had on a private plane headed to New York. Both of the plane’s engines failed during the flight, leaving a cabin full of passengers fearing for their lives. “My skeleton was all that was left in the seat,” said Lawrence. “We were all just going to die. I started leaving little mental voicemails to my family, you know, ‘I’ve had a great life, I’m sorry.’” But after a bumpy landing, all of the passengers arrived at the airport safely. “It made me a lot weaker,” recalls Lawrence. “Flying is horrific, and I have to do it all the time.”

The high-profile actress also detailed her time out of the spotlight following the release of several critical or box office disappointments. “I just think everybody had gotten sick of me,” shared Lawrence. “I got sick of me.” Her desire to be “people-pleasing” got in the way of her happiness, and after becoming pregnant, she decided to become more private, she said. “Every instinct in my body wants to protect [my baby’s] privacy for the rest of their lives.”