Sloppy Seconds—Earrings = Catfight
Snooki and Angelina share more than a bizarrely bright orange skin tone and fondness for New Jersey--despite their New York home addresses. This summer, the two also shared men. Both ladies slept with allegedly well-hung Jersey Shore cast-mate Vinny and in Thursday night's episode, Snooki brought home one of Angelina's past hook-ups, Alex. While Vinny was "shocked that Snooki had the balls to do it," Angelina was not so impressed. It led to an epic catfight that started with Snooki saying, "Hold my earrings," ended with Angelina leaving the show for the second season in a row, and involved a lot of underwear-flashing and hair-pulling in between. The Thursday night showdown had the Princess of Poughkeepsie in one corner and The Staten Island Dump in the other. It was certainly not a clean fight.
A Canadian Situation, Eh?
The Situation attempted to get busy in a club bathroom last week, but his "girl"—as he often refers to his sexual conquests—disappeared. She later posted a note outside his house, in modern guido/guidette fairytale fashion, with her phone number. This week, the two decided to give their smoosh session one more try and planned things out in advance. Samantha, as we learn this Canadian import is called, came over before the cast headed out to their favorite hot spot, Klutch. The Situation offered Samantha a lollipop, told her to pick out her sleepwear (his t-shirt and his shorts), and laid a fresh sheet over the cast's communal bed. "If I'm already picking out pajamas for this chick, you know it's gonna be a good night," he declares. When the two return, things get loud and The Situation seems ready to trade in Jersey for our neighbors to the North.
Wake Up With Pauly D
Whether you currently use your cell phone, the radio, or your mother to get up in the morning, the Jersey Shore cast members' alarm clock is far superior—one Mr. DJ Pauly Delvecchio personally awakens each and every roommate both aurally and physically. In a mock barber-shop-quartet-like voice, Pauly D (shirtless, obviously) stomps through the cast's Miami home, serenading them with a song, unofficially titled, "It's 'wake up the whole entire house' time." Pulling on covers, flexing and flapping his tattooed and tanned muscles, Pauly D clearly likes to get his GTL on as early as possible and wants the same for his roommates.
Snookin' For Love
Instead of scooping frozen treats at Lecca Lecca Gelato Caffe—the "workplace" for this season on Jersey Shore-- Snooki took the time to make a list of her "idea guy," as best friend J Woww would say. Snooki's approximately 20-item list contains some very important qualities, including "tan," "juicehead," "gorilla," "big sense of humor," "frollicks," "smells good," "fist pumps," "nympho" (to which, J Woww replies, "Yum"), and of course, "romantical." To find said dreamboat, Snooki and J Woww are determined to scour Miami daily by hitting four key locales—the beach, the gym, the tanning salon, and last, but certainly not least, the party store.
T-Shirt Time Song: Extended Edition
Pauly D and Vinny decided to break the Angelina-related tension with yet another ode to "T-shirt time," a musical number that was first introduced during last week's episode. (For those who missed it, "T-shirt time" refers to the point in the evening at which a guido changes from his wife-beater tank top into his bedazzled Ed Hardy T-shirt for the night right before it's time to hit the club.) This week, Pauly and Vinny's seemingly spontaneous tune began with a staccato explanation that without gel they are forced to "let [their] fro out" and apparently, "take [their] big boat out." After they giggle like 12-year-old boys, the two determine they had a little too much Miami sun (or afternoon vodka?) that day.
Jaimie Etkin is an assistant culture editor at The Daily Beast. She has also written for Us Weekly and Radar.