“President Trump had another busy day today trying to pull his weiner out of a lawnmower,” Jimmy Kimmel said during his monologue Thursday night. “The president has been working very hard this week attempting to distance himself from himself.”
“As you know, he pretty clearly sided with Vladimir Putin over our own intelligence agencies after his meeting with Putin in Helsinki,” the host continued, explaining that people have been “going nuts” over the fact that Trump said he believed the Russian president when he assured him he did not commit a cyber attack on the American election, despite all evidence to the contrary.
Then, Kimmel took a turn. “I want to defend the president, just a little bit,” he said. “People are calling him a traitor, they’re calling him a liar, a coward. And not just Democrats, he’s being hammered by his own party, too.”
“But be honest,” Kimmel told his viewers. “I want you to really be honest. If someone had a tape of hookers going number one—possibly even number two on you—you would do the same thing. OK? Admit it. You’d be like, ‘Oh, Vladimir, he’s a good dude, he would never do anything sneaky like that,’ right?”
Later, Kimmel added, “It’s been a horrible week for Republicans in Congress who are said to be dispirited and glum following the president’s disastrous performance.”
“Everyone is down,” he continued. “Everyone except Mike Pence. He’s been walking around whistling ‘Hail to the Chief.’ They say he’s been doing a suspicious amount of skipping.”