“I don’t even know where to start,” Jimmy Kimmel said when he took the stage for his monologue Wednesday night, not long after Donald Trump ended his fourth-ever solo press conference as president.
The late-night host described the event as “rambling, angry, jumbled, dishonest, and frequently incoherent,” telling his viewers, “The wheels are off the wagon. It’s time to put grandpa in an assisted living facility because he cannot care for himself.”
“What a performance this was,” he continued. “It was like the craziest voicemail from your mom ever. It went on and on and all over the place. He hammered everybody: China, Canada, the media, Obama, George Washington got it. It was bananas.”
“You know, they say Rod Rosenstein wanted to tape him to show everyone he’s nuts? Not necessary, he did it himself.” He said that Tom Arnold can “call off the search” for the incriminating Trump tapes and joked, “They could easily have sold this thing to Netflix as a comedy special.”
After playing the clip in which Trump bragged about his “very, very large brain,” Kimmel told him, “This is not a good thing, when your brain is swelling it means you have CTE. It’s common in the NFL.”
Kimmel also mocked Trump for insisting that the U.N. delegation was laughing “with” him, not at him, during his speech there this week: “Yeah, no, they were laughing at you. They were definitely laughing at you.”
“This press conference was successful only in that he did not physically melt or explode during it,” the host concluded. “The craziest part is I bet he thinks he nailed it. Right now, I bet he’s sitting in bed eating a celebratory box of the Colonel’s extra crispy, wiping his hands on the sheets, you know?”