Jimmy Kimmel Gives Trump a Government Shutdown Offer He Can’t Refuse
‘I know this is important to you, this wall, but I’m going to appeal to something I think is even more important to you,’ the late-night host told President Trump.
Jimmy Kimmel has had it with the government shutdown. Every night on his late-night show over the past week and a half he has been employing one furloughed federal worker at a time to do various jobs. But the host thinks it’s about time the longest shutdown in American history comes to an end.
“And since no one seems to be able to get any movement on this,” Kimmel said Wednesday night, “I want to make my case directly to the president.”
“Mr. President, your royal bigliness, sir,” he began. “On the off-chance you aren’t watching Judge Jeanine Pirro with your pants off right now, I have something to share. We know you said you’re not going to end the shutdown until you get your magical Mexican-proof wall. But, you and I both know that’s not going to happen. It’s just not. And I know this is important to you, this wall, but I’m going to appeal to something I think is even more important to you.”
“I know it doesn’t mean much to Donald Trump that a bunch of Americans are being forced to work without paychecks, or that vital services like food inspection and TSA and anti-terrorism efforts are being compromised,” Kimmel continued. “But I know what does matter to you. I know what you care about, down to the bottom of your Kentucky Fried little heart. And that is golf, OK?”
When Kimmel informed his audience that the president has not been able to play a round of golf in 52 days, they let out an audible “awww.” As the host explained, Trump can’t golf with the government shut down because people would “go nuts.”
“It wouldn’t look good,” he said. “And Mr. President, that’s killing you. It’s killing you faster than those 12 Diet Cokes you drank this afternoon.
“But here’s the thing,” Kimmel added. “With one crazy zig-zag stroke of your executive Sharpie, you can be back on the greens at Mar-a-Lago faster than you can say ‘Pocahontas.’ You’ll be right back out there, eating club sandwiches and bossing caddies around with the boys. It’s a win-win, for us and for you. Federal employees can go back to work, and you can get back to doing what you do best: cheating at golf.”
Kimmel ended his plea with this hopeful message: “Let’s play our way out of the rough together.”