The actor, who was on the show to promote his latest collection of satirical poems, joined Stephen Colbert on the heels of Giuliani’s reported ban from Fox News. “Banned from the one network that encourages drunken conspiracy theories? Will Rudy ever appear on TV again?” Colbert asked before introducing the former New York City mayor in all his glory.
Admitting he was “a little confused” right off the bat, Giuliani excused himself to talk to his “chief of staff” and then guzzled some red wine.
“Wait, so it’s true that you sometimes get drunk before speaking in public?” Colbert asked.
“What?! I never get drunk! Ever, ever, ever!” his guest insisted. “I only drink to provide an excuse for the way I act. Legally, that’s plausible deniability. Or as the Queen of England would say it, ‘That’s just the booze talking, innit gov’nuh?” When Colbert asked if he ever worries about getting “fully disbarred,” Giuliani replied, “What? No! You can’t ban me from bars! That’s where I meet up with my legal team!”
“Hello, Mr. Former President, this is Rudy Giuliani speaking,” he began. “Thank you for requesting me on Cameo. I’m excited to, once again, be getting paid to say whatever you want me to. Here we go: I’m a total clown who you’ve never met and I’m a dumb loser, an absolute turd in a cheap suit who can’t tell his ass from—”
At that point, Colbert cut him off, saying, “Sir, stop! Even by your own standards you’re humiliating yourself on television.”
“What? They let me on TV again?” Giuliani asked in horror. “Oh, god, you’re right, Stephen. I look like a total embarrassment.” Then he started trimming his nose hairs on camera.
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