Donald Trump wants to crush The Swamp. The leaks, the sneaks, and the secrets are all there. Our writers, David Gardner, Farrah Tomazin, Sarah Ewall-Wice, and Laura Esposito, are sifting through the ooze so you don’t have to. Don’t miss out.
In this week’s news from the ooze: Erika Kirk, Gail the snail; Alexis Wilkins, Bari Weiss, St. John of God, Usha Vance, Bill White, Kai Trump, His Beatitude Theophilos III, Dana White, Karoline Leavitt, Marla Maples, JD Vance, Kimberly Guilfoyle and Nate Bargatze.
Keystone Kash’s MAGA Singer Girlfriend Takes Freedom 250 on European Tour
Relations between Washington and Brussels have been strained by Donald Trump’s trade fights, tariff threats and broader tensions with NATO, which is headquartered there. Yet amid all that, the U.S. embassy is throwing a lavish “Freedom 250” party complete with fireworks, a military flyover, thousands VIP guests, troops and a rendition of the national anthem from Kash Patel’s girlfriend, Alexis Wilkins.
The event will be held at Cinquantenaire Park, a sprawling 30-hectare urban park known for its Triumphal Arch, sweeping gardens and grand museums. But The Swamp has learned that some locals are already annoyed that a large part of their city is set to be sealed off ahead of the MAGA-fest. Performing at the invitation-only Freedom 250 celebration is aspiring country singer Alexis Wilkins, who started dating Patel early in 2023.
The U.S. Ambassador to Belgium Bill White, a friend of Wilkins’, is organizing the event. (He is also involved in a bizarre diplomatic spat over Jewish circumcision, which he not-so-diplomatically linked to a rise in antisemitism in the country.)
“President Trump and I salute performance artists who love our country,” White said as he confirmed Wilkins’ attendance.
Patel is also pals with U.S. Permanent Representative to NATO Matt Whitaker, who is also based in Brussels, making the guest list of thousands feel less like a legitimate function and more like a MAGA reunion tour.
Which raises two obvious questions: is Wilkins getting paid— and will Keystone Kash be making the trip?
The FBI chief has already faced scrutiny over reports that Wilkins has traveled on government aircraft and received extensive security protection. If she’s crossing the Atlantic to sing the Star-Spangled Banner and her country songs at an official U.S. government-backed celebration, taxpayers may reasonably wonder whether Uncle Sam is also picking up part of the tab for transportation, logistics, or security.
After all, nothing says “American independence” quite like flying a MAGA-adjacent entourage to Europe for a private party.
Did Trump’s Big Day Drive People Potty?
First there was the giant statue of Donald Trump embracing Jeffrey Epstein in the National Mall. Then came the golden toilet statue near the Lincoln Memorial to honor the president. This weekend, Farragut Square near the White House featured a series of porta-potties depicting the 80-year-old commander in chief as a clown and inviting people to wish Trump a “Crappy Birthday.”
“Leave a special gift to honor Trump’s birthday this June 14th!” organizers from the Women’s March urged visitors. “Take part in ending the greatest s—show on Earth. One day only! Free admission! Eat First!”
Long Arm of the Claw
Nearly three days after Donald Trump’s UFC Freedom 250 spectacle wrapped up, the steel monstrosity known around Washington as “The Claw” is still looming over the White House South Lawn like the skeleton of a failed MAGA theme park. Construction crews have begun tentatively dismantling the temporary 4,300-seat arena and lighting rig erected for Trump’s 80th birthday bash in conjunction with Dana White’s UFC. But the hulking structure remains plainly visible from across the National Mall in the south and Lafayette Park to the north. Trump staffers say the last pieces of the (oh-so-patriotic) Belgian-made megalith won’t disappear until “sometime next week.” For now, visitors hoping for a postcard-perfect view of the People’s House are instead getting a reminder of its desecration.
Kai is Koi on UFC Fighters
Fresh from watching her grandfather get booed at the Knicks game while cursing the team with defeat, Kai Trump was back on the MAGA social circuit on Sunday as Washington transformed into a UFC town ahead of Donald Trump’s much-hyped Freedom 250 fight night. The president’s granddaughter showed up at a YouTube content creators brunch at the swanky Hay Adams rooftop opposite the White House, where influencers, journalists and assorted VIPs grazed on oysters, shrimp, chicken sandwiches and fingerling potatoes topped with caviar. The Swamp spotted Kai shunning the mimosas to instead make herself a cup of tea in front of the YouTube merch station. Asked who she was backing at Freedom 250, the 19-year-old daughter of Don Jr and Vanessa admitted she didn’t exactly arrive with a fight card spreadsheet in hand. “I usually just pick when they walk in the octagon,” she told us. The brunch featured a performance by country crooner Julia Cole and was just one stop on a packed UFC takeover of downtown D.C. Earlier, UFC president Dana White, acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, Ivanka Trump and White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt mingled with fighters, influencers and other Trumpworld hangers-on at Ned’s private club for Tammy Haddad’s Meta pre-fight party. If there was any doubt that UFC has become Trumpworld’s preferred social scene, the guest lists — and the caviar — suggested otherwise.
You Can Take Kimberly Out of Palm Beach, But You Can’t Take Palm Beach Out…
Kimberly Guilfoyle, our esteemed U.S. ambassador to Greece, may be feeling a little vulnerable after her ex Donald Trump Jr.’s wedding to Bettina Anderson, but she got some unsolicited sartorial advice after wearing a low-cut black dress to meet His Beatitude Theophilos III, Patriarch of the Holy City of Jerusalem, in Athens. “His Beatitude’s gracious awarding of President Donald J. Trump as Great Bearer of the Cross of the Order of Cross-Bearers of the Holy Sepulchre underlines the deep bonds of faith between the United States and Greek Orthodox Church. The United States is committed to protecting religious freedom worldwide,” Kimberly wrote in her post. But there was less reverence in the comments. “Deeply blessed as deep as the plunging neckline. Do better,” wrote one follower on Instagram. Another added: “Beautiful ❤️ but maybe put the girls away for something like this 😂”
Meanwhile, Marla Maples, the second Mrs. Donald J. Trump, was also getting some fashion flak online. Unfazed, she responded to one comment, saying she always wears the same outfit, by laughing (“haha”) and saying she loves wearing white. “How many hair extensions do you have???? Thought you were all natural..hmmm,” wrote another would-be critic called Sheryl.
“no extensions here, Sheryl” replied Marla. “I am very grateful for my hair… My mom and dad both had great hair, but I also have this incredible organic collagen that I take.”
Once a Trump, always a grifter…
Usha Woke Watch
The Swamp is among the few consistent viewers of Storytime with the Second Lady, but it turns out that this YouTube series is a must-watch. In fact, it reveals that the second lady Usha Vance is now in the eighth episode of a pro-science, pro-diversity campaign. Two episodes ago, Dr. Lakshmi Chilukuri, Vance’s mother, slyly introduced children to the concept of evolution. Science is front and center in the latest installment as Vance welcomes the diverse crew of Artemis 2: commander Reid Wiseman, pilot Victor Glover, and mission specialists Christina Koch and Jeremy Hansen. Wearing a puffy NASA jacket which covers her pregnancy, Vance asks, “Does the moon look very different when you see it with your eyes in space?” Hansen answers yes, explaining that on earth, the moon looks flat but up close, it isn’t. “We live at an observatory actually,” Vance brags, adding that she likes to look through the telescope so she knows what he’s talking about.
The astronauts pair up to read two feminist books. Snail in Space by Rachel Bright (author) and Nadia Shireen (illustrator) features Gail the snail who “has an epic dream to chase/To be the first snail-ette in space.” After a lot of hard work, Gail achieves her dream and the book ends with the message, “Believe you can and then you will.” (Shorter: Si, se puede.) The second book, Sadie Sprocket Builds a Rocket by Sue Fliess and illustrated by Annabel Tempest, is an unapologetic feminist diatribe about history being made by a “space-bound girl with smarts and skills.” This book also stresses teamwork which will “lift you up and help you achieve.” Can it get more woke than that? Si se puede! When the second book ends, Vance offers this takeaway to the audience: “I think both of these stories are lovely because they tell you that if you have determination and you work really hard, there’s no end to what you can do.” Spoken like the true child of immigrants.
A Prayer for JD Vance
Newly minted Catholic JD Vance is keen to show off his faith, with his book Communion. Someone seems to be answering his prayers: the book hit number four in the Amazon best-sellers list hours after publication. Let’s hope that it’s the result of Vance getting on his knees and praying for the intercession of St. John of God, the patron saint of booksellers (and, err, the mentally ill)—and not the dreaded bulk purchase on which so many other supplicants rely.
Is the Future of MAGA Female?
The trad-wife talks at Erika Kirk’s Women Leadership Summit have ignited a catfight over the future of far-right womanhood.
The 37-year-old girl boss/widow took the helm at Turning Point USA’s leadership summit earlier this month in place of her late husband, Charlie, who had always presided over the annual MAGA junior jamboree. The event, where tickets ranged from $50 to $300, featured much of the usual fare: public shaming over being unmarried and childless (if you’re female…mean digs at men extended to a mild bit of fat-shaming, which was definitely not aimed at the president.)
In a twist, not every young woman in MAGA subscribes to that.
Entering the online chat: Raquel DeBono, a fast-talking New York MAGA socialite and the founder of the “Make America Hot Again” movement, who slammed Kirk’s San Antonio summit as “the Floral Dress Conference: A seminar on how to be more feminine, more submissive, more trad, more whatever.”
“Every year conservatives complain that young women aren’t joining the movement,” she fired off on X. “I’m not interested in teaching women how to perform femininity. I’m interested in teaching them how to win and how to hold their own in a room full of men.”
Scathingly, DeBono added: “The irony is that conservative women used to be impressive because they could compete in the real world.” Meow!
The Last Minute
A dark joke reaches The Swamp’s ears from inside MAGA about Bari Weiss, the MAGA-curious CBS News boss whose gutting of 60 Minutes has made her infamous. “Is Bari really one of us?” our very-Trump-coded mole whispers. “It’s been more than 48 hours and she hasn’t signed up Nate Bargatze as the new Andy Rooney.” For those not following too closely, Bargatze exposed himself as MAGA by rocking up to the president’s 80th birthday party, getting a near-front row seat feet from the claw, and posing freely with MAGA royalty. Quick, Bari, that clock’s ticking!
