Eight years after Kim Kardashian and former NBA player Kris Humphries got married in a two-hour TV special, the typically private Humphries has spilled the tea in an essay for The Players’ Tribune titled “I Never Wanted to be That Guy.” Kardashian filed for divorce only 72 days after the couple tied the knot, leading to endless speculation that the marriage was purely for publicity. In the essay, Humphries says that it bothers him that people think the marriage was fake. “Look, I should have known what I was getting into,” Humphries wrote. “I was definitely naive about how much my life was going to change. But the one thing that really bothers me is whenever people say that my marriage was fake.” Humphries said he remained quiet after the divorce because he felt like he couldn’t win against the tabloids: “You can’t go up against that machine.” “There’s definitely a lot about that world that is not entirely real,” he went on. “But our actual relationship was 100% real. When it was clear that it wasn't working ... what can I say? It sucked.”

Humphries also shared that he was in a “dark place” for about a year after the split. “It was brutal. I didn’t want to be Kris Humphries. It’s the craziest feeling in the world, not wanting to be yourself,” he wrote. “I dealt with a lot of anxiety, especially in crowds... I didn’t want to leave my home.” He says that he’s now accepted that the marriage will always be a part of his story. “I know that most people will always see me as That F****** Guy from TV. And I get it. I signed up for it. I don’t want any pity at all.”