She’s Got Legs

Mayo Clinic: Lady Legs Now Cootie-Free

Bare legs are coming to the Mayo Clinic and society as we know it is about to cease to exist.

Residents of Minnesota, Florida and Arizona should prepare for complete anarchy by the end of this week. That’s because the Mayo Clinic, the formerly respectable medical practice and research group with facilities in those states, will upend the social order by inflicting their own terrifying vision of a radical new world on an unsuspecting populace.

Yes, on Friday, the Mayo Clinic’s new dress code policy will kick in. And for the first time ever, women will no longer be required to wear nylons.

Which begs the question: Women workers have been required to wear nylons at the Mayo Clinic all this time?

Apparently yes.

The Mayo Clinic was founded by Dr. William Worrall Mayo in 1864, roughly seventy years before nylon pantyhose were invented. The hospital has grown into a well-respected research facilities and is considered one of the world’s best hospitals—U.S. News & World Report has it currently ranked as the No. 1 hospital in the United States. And they have, thus far, required their female employees to cover their leg skin with thin, sweaty layers of nylon.

Of course, their pantyhose requirement is hardly unusual—women’s dress codes have long been a hotbed of controversy. Earlier this year, Cannes erupted over whether or not women in—gasp—flat shoes should be allowed into parties. High heels were also required by the Bank of England, which advised female employees to always wear a heel, but not one higher than two inches. UBS had a similar heel-requirement but the mandate that really got them in trouble in 2010 was the bizarre insistence that women only wear nude-colored underpants.

Not even children are spared—a debate continues to wage over whether girls can wear leggings at middle school, lest the shape of their legs prove too distracting for their male classmates.

Obviously, the esteemed doctors and scientists of the Mayo Clinic will prove to be easily distractible. While the clinic has enjoyed a good run, and we have all benefited from their research, dedication and innovation, that all ends Friday, when the sight of bare skin will surely bring down this top-notch medical facility.

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William Boot

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