Meghan McCain has gone scorched-earth on The View. The host of four years, who left in August, has a memoir out this week on Audible—and what better way to promote it than to drop a series of juicy teasers? The highlights are roughly what one would expect: McCain said she feels as though she has “post-traumatic stress” from publicly feuding with Donald Trump while her father, John McCain, was sick and after he died. Her anxiety peaked in January, when she returned from maternity leave and was greeted by Joy Behar saying, “I did not miss you—zero!”

“After the show, I went back to my office and I had a panic attack,” McCain told Variety’s Ramin Setoodeh—who wrote The View tell-all Ladies Who Punch and noted that he and the departed host are friends. “I threw up in the garbage can,” McCain added. “I was so overcome. This is my narrative —‘I come back from maternity leave and no one missed me.’ I knew it was going to be everywhere.”

McCain said she asked for an apology but producers told her Behar “wouldn’t do it.” She also recalled complaining to ABC News execs and filing official complaints to HR about the production environment, to no avail. She recalled telling ABC News president Kim Godwin, “You got to change the culture on the show or the culture is going to change you, Ellen style.” She also expressed her frustration at being the subject of hyper-focus during her time on the show, as her every move behind the scenes seemed to leak to tabloids. “Do you think all those women are peaches and cream in the morning? Are you fucking kidding me?” she said. “But it was always like, ‘Meghan is …’ I thought it was unfair.”