Norm Macdonald Gets Real Dark in First Great Coronavirus Stand-Up Set

The late-night shows are shutting down. Comedians are canceling their tours. But before the comedy clubs could close their doors, Norm Macdonald got in what could be the first great bit about our new coronavirus pandemic reality.

“I wasn’t going to talk about the coronavirus,” the Saturday Night Live alum said this week on stage at the Irvine Improv. “But on the way here, I got really ill.”

Macdonald went on to say that his plan is “just to not die” until they find a cure. “It’s funny how Big Pharma is so evil… until now,” he joked. “It’s like, what is it, $200 a pill? Yeah, that’s good, that’s fine, I’ll take it. Gimme all you got.”

It only got darker from there. “It’s funny how we all now know how we’re going to die,” he told the crowd at one point to cathartic laughter. “It’s just a matter of what order at this point.” At another point he added, “I mean, who knows how you’re going to die? I mean, we all know now, but think back a week ago.” 

After inadvertently touching his face, Macdonald asked, “Remember the good old days when washing your hands didn’t take three hours? Just take me now.”

“I don’t want to alarm anybody at all,” he said later. “But I could sneeze on you and it would be the equivalent of a nine-millimeter.” He joked that at this point, he was “more virus than host” and asked, “Fuck, who knew that it was going to end this way?”

With comedy clubs shuttering and people avoiding crowds, this will likely be Macdonald’s final stand-up set for a while.

“It’s morally wrong for me to do stand-up and cause strangers to possibly become sick. And now, with this virus, it seems even more wrong,” he tweeted on Thursday. “I’m postponing my next two gigs, but am hopeful a vaccine comes that protects us all from Tom Hanks Disease (THD).”

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