The latest cold open of Saturday Night Live briefly alluded to a border agent’s tragic shooting of a VA nurse on Saturday morning in Minneapolis, but ultimately chose to stay in familiar territory.
“After that lady whose name I already forget gave me her Nobel Prize, I thought, ‘I need more awards,’” said Trump, played by cast member James Austin Johnson. “And after what all my little freaks and psychos and I’s have been doing, I need more distractions.”
Trump’s idea for a distraction was an awards show, formatted like the Oscars, where (almost) all of the awards went to him.
“Look, everything’s gold and shiny,” Trump said. “And what a crowd we have tonight. So many awful, terrible people in the house.”
Trump added, “I’d like to get a round of applause going for the nominees, but my doctors say if I clap, both my dead, purple hands will explode with blood.”
“There’s probably nothing to worry about,” Trump said. “Doctors say I could live to be 120, or current age.”
