‘QUASI-BLEACH’

Olympic Swimmers Are Guzzling Coke to Fight Bacteria in Poop-Filled Seine River

Any dentist would be appalled to hear their sugary solution.

Olympic swimmers have a new weapon in fighting the bacteria-ridden, poop-filled Seine River: chugging two cans of Coke. The swimmers believe the soda’s acidity works as quasi-bleach for the digestive tract, lessening the chances of bacteria infesting them. Multiple doctors told the Wall Street Journal that there’s no scientific evidence of Coke’s cleansing properties, but athletes said they would down the cold drink anyway, just in case. Sewage, chemicals, and wastewater frequently run into the French river, making it notoriously a “little bit brown.” More recently, protesters angered at the French government’s Olympic plans defecated in it. The protest upped the river’s E. coli levels, which is known to cause diarrhea, urinary tract infections and pneumonia, according to the CDC. Although the protest dump helped lower the river’s water quality levels, making them too unclean for a triathlon on July 30, swimmers did eventually dive into the murky waters to compete. “Hopefully it’s all right,” said first time Olympian and U.S. triathlete Seth Rider. “Because I think I swallowed, like, a liter of water.”