THEY WON’T GIVE UP

Putin’s Pals Dream Up Fresh Plot to Help Trump Beat Biden

The talking heads on Kremlin TV are brainstorming ways to get Trump back into power after the shock of the indictment.

In Moscow, the possibility that former President Donald Trump might end up in prison or even seek asylum in Russia has long been a topic of discussion on the Kremlin-controlled state television. A federal indictment that was unsealed on Friday revealed that Trump is facing 37 felony counts, because of a trove of classified documents he retained, including America’s military plans and nuclear secrets.

Troubled by the magnitude of the criminal jeopardy their favored candidate is facing, the Kremlin’s mouthpieces on state media’s airwaves are openly brainstorming how to help Trump by undermining President Joe Biden—reflecting the efforts that are likely taking place behind the scenes. After all, Trump represents Moscow’s best hope that the U.S. will eventually stop supporting Ukraine, which would in turn allow Russia to swallow it whole.

When it was first revealed that Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate was searched by the FBI and contained hundreds of classified documents, Russian state TV host Evgeny Popov mockingly noted: “Turns out that the investigation against Trump has to do with the disappearance of secret documents from the White House, related to the development of new nuclear weapons by the United States... Obviously, if there were any important documents, they’ve been studying them in Moscow for a while. What’s the point of searching?”

Now that the search has resulted in a multitude of charges, Popov and his fellow propagandists are not nearly as giddy but still hold out the hope that the Republicans and their mouthpieces—like Russia’s beloved Tucker Carlson—will manage to harm Biden and undermine U.S. aid to Ukraine.

Appearing on Vladimir Solovyov’s morning broadcast of Full Contact, "Americanologist" Dmitry Drobnitsky mockingly predicted that in light of the criminal charges that threaten the main contenders of the presidential race, the final battle might be between Robert F. Kennedy Jr. and Nikki Haley. He pointed out that RFK Jr. surprised everyone with higher-than-anticipated popularity ratings but noted that he is unlikely to prevail. Nonetheless, Drobnitsky said, Kennedy’s participation in the elections will enable him to inject his pro-Russian talking points about Ukraine into the mainstream—a beneficial side effect for Moscow.

During Thursday’s broadcast of The Evening With Vladimir Solovyov, experts proposed being more proactive, weighing various ways to boost their favorite candidate and sink his opponent. Dmitry Evstafiev, Professor at the School of Integrated Communications, suggested: “In the West, we should be supporting crooks, scumbags, and idiots—then we will succeed! We should support them and convince them that they are geniuses.”

Drobnitsky surmised: “It’s possible that none of the leading presidential candidates will make it to the 2024 elections as free men. There is a number of pending and potential criminal cases against all of them!” He suggested: “In addition to demonstrating our successes, both in the economic field and on the frontlines of the special military operation, it’s time for us to take advantage of this. The new cornerstone of our foreign policy should be to constantly demonstrate the toxicity of the American world, the Pax Americana that previously suited everyone.” He later added: “Let all the flowers bloom, as long as our adversaries are allergic to them... We should do whatever we can to shove them out of our Eurasia.”

The grand plan of forcing the U.S. to focus predominately on its internal issues is in line with Trump’s long-standing pledge to greatly limit America’s global involvement, concentrating mainly on trade and financial dealings.

Drobnitsky, a self-described fan of former President Trump, proposed: “Let’s release a story where we’ll write that Biden was personally getting $10 million for every day of the war in Ukraine. Who can prove it isn’t so? There are so many criminal cases out there!”

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Julia Davis

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