CRYING SHAME
The dismal state of the Russian military in Ukraine is so painfully obvious that even Vladimir Putin’s most hardcore loyalists have been forced to address it on television.
Julia Davis is a columnist for The Daily Beast and the creator of the Russian Media Monitor. She is a member of the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences, the Screen Actors Guild, and Women In Film.
‘IT IS WHAT IT IS’
Just when you thought Russian airwaves could not get any stranger, Putin’s puppets have now surrendered to the idea of nuclear apocalypse, because at least they’ll “go to heaven.”
BOTCHED
An alleged Russian hoax gone embarrassingly wrong indicates that Putin’s agents have trouble following even the most basic instructions.
‘THERE WILL BE NO MERCY’
Russian state media believe a worldwide plot involving NATO is why Vladimir Putin mysteriously ordered a blockade of the Azovstal steel plant instead of storming the building.
MY PRECIOUS
In an attempt to dehumanize their opponents, state TV’s pundits and hosts have taken to describing Ukrainians as “the unclean”—with one even calling “modern Ukraine” “Gollum.”
FRIENDS LIKE THESE
Russia appears to be dodging any commitments to a prisoner swap that could free top Moscow ally Viktor Medvedchuk, whose child is reportedly Vladimir Putin’s goddaughter.
‘THE END OF HER’
Vladimir Putin’s cronies are losing their minds over a recently released “shock video” showing an actress pretending to kill a Russian paratrooper in Ukraine.
SCORNED
Battered and infuriated by sanctions over the war in Ukraine, Putin’s henchmen are plotting their master plan for revenge on live television.
CUT THE MIC
A top state TV host wanted to show Russians a clip of Ukrainians attacking Putin’s army. Instead, a video of soldiers hurling insults at Russia was aired. A freak-out ensues.
DISTURBING
After a massacre in a Ukrainian city shocked the world, the Kremlin’s henchmen are now pushing for pay raises and debt forgiveness for those perpetuating the country’s bloodshed.
