NO BANANA

Rum-Drunk Monkey Wields Butcher Knife

Holds off local authorities in rooftop standoff.

A monkey’s bender ended badly in Brazil when it took to the rooftops with a large knife, holding law enforcement and firemen at bay. The capuchin monkey reportedly lives near a bar in Teixeira, where employees have grown accustomed to his presence. Thus when he meandered in, no one thought much of it. Until he got his hands on some booze and a giant butcher’s knife.

“It was a bar staff oversight that ended with the monkey drinking some rum and taking the knife,” said Lt. Col. Saul Laurentino of the local fire department.

The monkey, which seemed to have at one point been tame, didn’t handle his booze so well, quickly devolving from novelty pet to pushy primate. Chattering and swinging the sharp blade, he climbed onto the roof, where he hacked wildly about and yelled at anyone who got too close. Eventually captured, he was taken to a wildlife reserve for recovery.

But his story doesn’t end there.

Seems the precocious fella got a taste for freedom, and immediately set about making a mess of his new digs.

“We had to recapture him because he was causing problems and threatening children living near the reserve,” Laurentino admitted.

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James Joiner

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