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Actress Sally Field opened up about her history with sexual abuse in her new memoir, writing that her stepfather, Jock “Jocko” Mahoney, abused her until she was 14 years old. “I felt both a child, helpless, and not a child. Powerful. This was power. And I owned it. But I wanted to be a child — and yet,” the Oscar winner writes in her memoir In Pieces, according to The New York Times. “It would have been so much easier if I’d only felt one thing, if Jocko had been nothing but cruel and frightening. But he wasn’t. He could be magical, the Pied Piper with our family as his entranced followers.” Field told the Times that she finally revealed the sexual abuse to her mother after joining the cast of Lincoln, which was released in 2012. The actress also opened up about a 1968 encounter with musician Jimmy Webb, saying she once woke up to him “grinding away” on top of her. “I felt he was stoned out of his mind,” she told the Times. Webb told the Times that he hadn’t seen a copy of Field’s book, but that they “dated and did what 22-year-olds did in the late ’60s.”