‘F*CK THIS GUY’

Samantha Bee: Gordon Sondland Is the ‘Selfish, Idiotic’ Hero America Deserves

“OK, I think we can all take our impeachment balls and go home now because that was the whole ballgame!” the “Full Frontal” host declared.

Samantha Bee has “come down with a case of impeachment fever.” And also, explaining away her hoarse voice, “regular fever.”

“It is a beautiful day,” the Full Frontal host said at the top of her show Wednesday night, referring to the testimony of Ambassador to the EU Gordon Sondland, who “just implicated basically everyone who’s ever set foot in the Trump White House.”

After playing the most damning statements from Sondland, Bee said, “OK, I think we can all take our impeachment balls and go home now because that was the whole ballgame!” Compared to Sondland, she said the witnesses who came before him were a “cautious, sober bunch.”

F*CK IT WE'RE DOING IT LIVE

Trevor Noah Invokes Michael Jackson to Mock Buttigieg

Marlow Stern

“You know what these hearings could use? A guy who paid a million dollars for his ambassadorship!” Bee exclaimed. “Luckily, here comes this smug, Wallace Shawn-looking motherfucker to blow the doors off this thing!”

The host concluded that Democrats “have been going about this all wrong,” explaining that while they have been relying on “respectable, objective witnesses,” that was “never going to work” because “in order to catch a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy, you have to send a selfish, idiotic hotel business guy.”

“Sondland’s testimony was way more damning than anyone knew it would be,” she continued, noting that Republican ranking member Devin Nunes needed a break before he could begin his questioning. “We’re going to take a five-to-10 minute break so we don’t have to watch a grown man cry,” she joked.

Later, Bee concluded, “Gordon Sondland is such a delightful dirtbag idiot that it’s easy to lose sight of what he actually did today. He is a first-hand witness to this conspiracy and he confirmed that the president, the vice president, the chief of staff and the secretary of state all knew about it. And I, for one, am grateful for this patriotic American and can’t wait for his future reality show: ‘Who Wants to Get Screwed by a Millionaire?’”

“Just kidding,” she added, “fuck this guy.”

For more, listen to Samantha Bee on The Last Laugh podcast below:

See more of our coverage in your search results.

ADD THE DAILY BEAST ON GOOGLE

Matt WilsteinSenior Editor

Got a tip? Send it to The Daily Beast here.