“As the great American lockdown continues, we have reason to be grateful,” Samantha Bee said at the top of her latest Full Frontal broadcast from the woods behind her house. “Social distancing is working. So naturally, the question on everyone’s minds is: When can the country reopen?”
Bee’s answer was “unfortunately, not yet,” but Fox News viewers are getting a very different message.
“It’s clear that opening too soon would cause more outbreaks, but the sentient bobblehead dolls at Fox News are acting like containing COVID-19 is somehow un-American,” the host said before playing clips of Laura Ingraham and Harris Faulkner arguing that the lockdowns are impinging on their “freedom.”
“It makes sense that everyone at Fox is fine with people dying so we can get back to work. They’re already used to working for a mummified corpse,” Bee added as Rupert Murdoch’s photo appeared on screen.
“As scary as it is to hear these idiots dismiss people’s lives, it’s really terrifying that elected officials are saying it too,” Bee continued. And few are saying it louder than President Donald Trump, who last week said that America “wants to be open.”
“Ah, yes, ‘America wants to be open,’” Bee said. “The ‘she was asking for it’ of coronavirus relief measures.”
Later, she acknowledged that “people have legitimate reasons for wanting to end this lockdown” and “it’s understandable to feel angry and upset” about the economic impact of the stay-at-home orders. “But opening too early could backfire and lead to another shutdown,” Bee said. “We’re not facing a choice of saving lives or saving the economy. The simple fact is, the economy is people. And dead people don’t buy stuff.”
Noting that Americans love “quick and easy fixes” like “gas station boner pills,” Bee promised that “the process to return to normal will be long, hard, sometimes painful, which, coincidentally is the slogan for those boner pills. But unlike those pills, this can work.”
For more, listen to Samantha Bee on The Last Laugh podcast.