Seth Meyers Unloads on Pete Buttigieg for Prematurely Claiming Iowa Caucus Win
“At the end of the third quarter of the Super Bowl the 49ers didn’t tweet, ‘By all indications we’re going to Disney World!’”
More than 24 hours after the country was supposed to know the results of the Iowa caucuses, Seth Meyers wanted answers.
“Hey! Iowa! How did you beef this?” the Late Night host began. “You had four years to get ready and this was the result? This is worse than the husband who comes home on Valentine’s Day with a flower from the neighbor’s yard, a bag of Skittles and a card that says ‘Sorry for your loss.’”
Next, Meyers went after the “antiquated system” that is the caucus itself. “It’s like musical chairs meets debate class meets a slow gas leak,” he said. “This is the most embarrassing thing to happen in a high school gym since I got hit in the nards playing volleyball and it hurt so much I threw up.”
As for the app that was apparently behind the disaster, the host said, “You can’t take an outmoded system and fix it with an app. Some things are too old for modern solutions. When Grandma has trouble getting around, you don’t buy her a Razor scooter.”
Then, after a brief detour to mock CNN’s Wolf Blitzer for distracting a precinct official who was just trying to get vote totals by phone, Meyers arrived at the night’s potential winner Pete Buttigieg, who was declaring victory on Twitter long before he was edging out Bernie Sanders with just 62 percent of precincts reporting. “Iowa, you have shocked the nation,” he posted Monday night. “By all indications, we are going onto New Hampshire victorious.”
“Hey, Mayor Pete, don’t tweet before the results are official!” Meyers said. “There were no indications and no one was victorious yet! At the end of the third quarter of the Super Bowl the 49ers didn’t tweet, ‘By all indications we’re going to Disney World!’”
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Ultimately, Meyers told Iowans that while it wasn’t their fault the Iowa Democratic Party let them down, “You do know this was your last caucus, right? When you blow it this bad, you don’t get another chance.”
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