After taking the summer off, the 45th season of Saturday Night Live returned this evening, anchored by host Woody Harrelson and musical performer Billie Eilish.
And, despite Alec Baldwin’s recent confession that he absolutely “hates” playing Donald Trump on the late-night sketch show, the hot-headed actor returned to don the blonde wig and orange face paint for the night’s opening monologue—which saw the president frantically calling his confidantes to complain about the Democrats’ ongoing impeachment inquiry, triggered by the recent Ukraine whistleblower scandal.
He began by calling Rudy Giuliani (played by the inimitable Kate McKinnon), his personal lawyer/consigliere, who’s also been implicated in the scandal.
“What do you mean what’s new, Rudy? I’m being impeached! It’s the greatest presidential harassment of all-time—I would know. I’m like the president of harassment,” shouted Trump.
“You gotta relax, Mr. Trump. We got nothing to worry about. Nobody’s going to find out about our illegal side-dealings with the Ukraine, or how we tried to cover up those side-dealings, or how we tried to cover up the cover-up,” offered Giuliani, before the two realized that the former mayor of New York City was actually on CNN.
“Well, stay calm, Mr. President. I know things look tough right now, but I got our top guy on this,” Giuliani added, before throwing to Aidy Bryant as Attorney General William Barr.
“Where are you going to find a sacrificial patsy who will do anything you say? Not it!” Barr exclaimed, with the action then cutting to Beck Bennett’s Vice President Mike Pence.
“I’m just calling you about this whole Ukraine-whistleblower thing. It’s looking pretty bad for you,” Trump told Pence.
“For me? But you’re the one who broke the law!” a confused Pence replied.
Other cameos followed, including the president’s large adult sons, Eric Trump and Don Jr., with the latter whining, “I just can’t believe the lamestream media is focused on you and not the corruption of Joe Biden’s son!”
Not to be outdone, North Korean dictator (and friend of Trump) Kim Jong Un—played by SNL newcomer Bowen Yang, the first cast member of Asian descent—offered his (questionable) advice on how he handles whistleblowers in the Hermit Kingdom: “Oh, that’s easy. You have a big ocean in your country? OK. Send whistleblower to the bottom of there.”
The segment concluded with Chris Redd’s Kanye West and Kenan Thompson’s Don King finally breaking ties with Trump over the impeachment hullabaloo.
“This whole impeachment thing is hurting our brand,” opined King, at which point West chimed in, “We gotta go, so say goodbye to the douchebag.”