STAIN FREE

This Sweater Is Truly Impossible to Stain—Trust Me, I Tried

Red sauce, kimchi, coffee—there isn’t a thing that can touch this sweater.

I’ll just come right out and say it: I’m a mess. The other night, I was watching TV, eating a cookie, and I realized there was a chocolate stain all over my new sweatshirt. This isn’t a rare phenomenon. Kimchi juice, red sauce, coffee splatters, pretty much any stain out there, I’ve done it. And so, when I found out about a sweater that was supposedly stain resistant, I thought, who better to put it to the test than me?

Someone Somewhere

$59

Lifeproof Pullover

Someone Somewhere

I started out wearing it as I would any other sweater. I awaited my inevitable first spill and/or splatter, but it wouldn’t come — a watched pot never boils, and a sweater you want to stain never stains (?). During this time, I reveled in how comfortable the sweater was, and how surprisingly normal it looked and felt for a sweater with supposed superpowers. Since I hadn’t had the chance to test out this power, I impatiently decided to create a risky situation of my own. That night, I made a red pasta sauce, and stood idiotically over the pot, waiting for some gurgles to splatter flecks of red everywhere and finally ruin this sweater once and for all. When the sauce did begin to boil, flecks leapt out of the pot and clung to the sweater like droplets on a waterproof raincoat. Before they could skid down to the floor, I wiped them off with a paper towel and just like that, they were gone, not a trace to be found. The next morning, I took it a step further: I held the sweater over the sink and poured my coffee directly onto it. Take that sweater, I laughed maniacally. But instead of absorbing into the threads, the coffee ricocheted off, gliding gracefully into the sink and down the drain, forever. I was foiled, beaten by a sweater. And even more surprising, the sweater didn’t even smell like coffee (or myself) after a week's worth of wearing it.

I’m not entirely sure how the magic trick works. It’s some combination of waterproofing technology and an antimicrobial treatment. As if this weren’t enough, Someone Somewhere, the brand behind this magic sweater, sources from local artisans in Puebla and Chiapas, Mexico, to make these one-of-a-kind sweaters. It’s something nice, something special, that is practically impossible to ruin. Trust me, I’ve tried.

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Daniel Modlin

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